Song of Solomon 2:8-17     

Sex, God and Love Part 3



Song of Solomon: Literal Historical

A)Looking  back over their Love affair as it is being told to the Daughters of Jerusalem.


B)Lesson in Love, intimacy, relationships and marriage.

         This book IS INSPIRED!


C)Some Bible teachers who take a Literal approach to this book like to divide it Chronologically – Dating, Courtship, Wedding, first fight, 2nd Honeymoon etc


D) I don’t think you can define that dogmatic of a time line.


The approach I am taking is that they are reminiscing – certain events and stages in their relationship.

A)Almost like we do in Premarital counseling – “I remember a time when – something happened”


B)For example we saw in our study last time a very important stage in their relationship – early on – She was feeling insecure about her appearance

1)To the point where she was saying: Don’t look at me – dark – tanned by the sun – Working girl – muscles – felt unkempt


C)We watched how Solomon – affirmed her, made her feel special, and valuable more than any other girl in the Kingdom


D)We witnessed a transformation – right before our eyes – because of that affirmation.


E)She starts to have a whole different perception of herself – because of his affirmation

1)Ch.2:1 I am the Rose of Sharon – the Lilly of the Valley – he responds by saying – all the other women are like thorns compared to you.


F)She goes from saying Don’t look at me – to saying I am love sick – I want to be with you right now { Desiring intimacy in it’s fullness


1)The lesson in that scene was on the value of AFFIRMATION in sincere love.


Side note: A lot of this book is descriptive – He describes her Beauty her body 5 times.

A)Understand the point of that is not to place an emphasis on outward Beauty.


B)Example Ch.4 Wedding PG-13 – he describes her teeth – perfect – { Pastor said Lesson is marry a girl with perfect teeth – not the lesson.


C)Lesson for the men is finding things to affirm your wife about – God knows women need affirmation.

God ordained this book and 5 times God has Solomon Praising her outward beauty.

A)Now in Ch. 1:16 – She mentions he is Handsome and it is not until 5:10 that we get a description of his Physical appearance in any detail.


B)But in the previous Chapters she speaks a lot about his Character –

1)She speaks a lot about how much his love and affirmation of her makes her feel safe & Secure.


C)Why is that? Because God who ordained this Story – Has a Picture in mind when it comes to marriage.


Picture is that of Christ and the Church.

A)Husbands love your wives……. The Church!

      Safe / secure / loved unconditionally


B)Bible tells us: We love Him because He first loved us. – Our love is a response to His Perfect love

1)The more we understand & experience of His perfect unconditional self sacrificing love


C)The more we respond in intimacy, devotion, worship, service and commitment.


So it makes all the sense in the world – that Solomon is affirming her – Showing how much he values her

A)God knows that women need that – and He is painting a picture.  {Eph. 1-3 One big affirmation}

Today Pick it up in V.8


The voice of my beloved!

Behold, he comes leaping upon the mountains,

Skipping upon the hills.

9 My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag.

Behold, he stands behind our wall;

He is looking through the windows,

Gazing through the lattice.


Now here is what is happening in this scene: Solomon wants to be with his love – Still pre-marriage.

A)He has a choice to make – he is the king he is a busy guy – lots of responsibilities / he could have sent servants to summon her.


B)But men I want you to notice that is not what he does – He carves out a day to come and be with her – He is pursuing her

1)He is seen coming out to her house.{ leaping he is giddy excited about seeing her -


C)Principle here: You have to pursue a woman !


D)Some of you men pursued your wife – in hopes that she would marry you – Got her and stopped

1)Busy tired – come home and caress the remote


E)Listen: She needs and wants to be Pursued!

1) Ask her - 


Any critique that I have for single Christian guys – many are way too passive

A)Somewhere this attitude developed in the Church where it was considered ungodly to show any interest in a woman.


B) Guy thinks – I am going to just sit in my room – pray that to God that Jessica Biel comes to Christ – comes and knocks on my door proposes

1)Then I will know this is from the Lord – Jessica Biel or whoever never comes knocking on the door.


C)What often happens is you have single godly Christian women – who are being constantly pursued by the ungodly guys –

1)They see something different in you – than unsaved girls – See the light of the Lord and it is attractive -  interested


D)The godly single girl is trying to hold out for a Christian guy – but because guys are so passive – never show interest –

1)She goes out with the Unsaved guy – hoping he gets saved – he ends up hurting her, abusing her – { Now she is scarred  –


E)Part of the Problem is the Christian men who should be interested are Passive.



Now understand I am not advocating casual dating at all.

A)going out with a different person every weekend – One Friday another Saturday


B)That is wrong – But there is nothing wrong at all with getting to know someone in a group setting – benefit of small groups – Singles / 20’s/ Home groups

1)Salt and light serving.


Bb)Even meeting someone a few times here at Church and if that means you position yourself – THAT IS FINE.

1)If I was a single guy – met a nice girl one Sunday – better believe sitting in that section again.


C)Problem with some singles – complain about being single – never put themselves  in that place to meet anyone.


And listen single ladies{ If a single guy ask you to go out for coffee he is not being carnal – nor is he proposing – it is just COFFEE –{not meet his parents

A)He is saying I would like to get to know you better and that is Ok! { Ok for the girl to ask – Ruth/ Shul...


B)Two things I don’t get at all. Some say don’t date you court{ Which means you share your intentions right away with the person or Parent – I am interesting in Marrying you.


C)They say that is the Biblical model – Show me –

1)Marriages were arranged – I like that now.

  {I wouldn’t have liked it for me}


D)Courting: That is way too much Pressure for a 18-19 yr old –


E)Ridiculous – I prayed I think she is the one – I don’t really know her but I am going to see if she wants to court

1) Way Too serious of a way to start a relationship

If you want to argue – talk afterwards – I am game


Listen if some 19 yr old boy came up  to me and said Pastor Rob permission to court your Daughter –

A)I know – he really doesn’t know her – isn’t around her – Say look you start hanging out in the Youth group Sundays wed nights / Sunday nights


B)After about a year you think you know her – come back and talk to me


Here is the other thing that bugs me – those who seem to hyper spiritualize things in this area – always the Beauty Queen –

A)Or on the girls side – Pastor the worship leader/ College Pastor @CM – 20 girls he’s the one


B)Never the average looking girl – Guys will come to me – sometimes – Say I think God showed me – This girl is going to be my wife.

C)Problem is she doesn’t even know I exist – I will say what about so and so – I can tell she knows you exist –

1)I am just not attracted to her – Dude  Have you looked in the Mirror lately


Attraction grows – develops over time -  I am radically attracted to my wife.

A)But I will tell you this when we met – if it had been in a room of 200 20’s somethings, we probably wouldn’t have noticed each other.


B)She didn’t look like the girls I normally dated – I wasn’t like the guys

1)She was from Oregon – Guys drove pickups with gun racks – wore flannel shirts and wrestles bears – I was a surfer dude from cally


C)It didn’t take long seeing her heart for Jesus – I was smitten! – Started noticing the rest of her.


D)Attraction grows – only way is by spending time with someone – getting to know them


So First thing – Solomon Pursued her – Now we see her recounting his words


10 My beloved spoke, and said to me:

"Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.

11 For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.

12 The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come,

And the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.

13 The fig tree puts forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grapes give a good smell.

Metaphor winter is past spring is here – love is in the air -  Relationship is progressing


Rise up, my love, my fair one,

And come away!


14 "O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,

In the secret places of the cliff, let me see your face,

Let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet

And your face is lovely."


So He comes after her – pursuing her – what is he doing – calling her to come out – to arise – to leave the comfort of mom and dad –  ABOUT RISK

A)In other words – He is asking her to take a risk and invest her heart in this relationship.


B)Winter is past spring time is here – things are starting to blossom

1)He is saying our love is starting to blossom – he is asking her to take the next step – invest in this relationship


C)Some dating couples move really fast – some too fast – 2wks already talking about Kids – vacations –house colors – Slow down

1)Not wise

But others move really to slow – so cautious to step out – take a risk be vulnerable

A)It is risky business to give your heart to someone!


B)In any relationship there is risk – You have to be Vulnerable – in order to love and be loved!

1)You are never more like Jesus than when you put yourself out there and take a risk to love!


Bb)Jesus loved pp/ he gave himself and invested time in pp knew would eventually forsake him , turn on him, and betray him.


C)Love takes that risk – is a love that says I am willing to be hurt – the longer you love someone the greater the degree of pain you can experience.


D)What hurts more: Breaking up someone dated for 2 months or 2yrs – engaged.



Marriage: Who is the person who can do the greatest damage to you as a person?  Your spouse.

A)You have to continue invest your heart in that relationship.


B)Marriages don’t die like a big bomb that goes off no death occurs gradually{ 1,000 disappointments


C)It happens like building a wall of bricks one brick at a time- One disappointment at a time.

Cc)So there is risk when you are giving your heart to a person –giving them the power and the ability to either hurt you or affirm you.


D)It is getting naked with your heart and exposing yourself – but there are great rewards


Not just in dating – but in any relationship – I have taken a lot of risks – been burned more times than I care to admit.

A)Been hurt deeply – been betrayed by pp I trusted – been misunderstood, misrepresented – Pp say horrible things about my wife & kids


B)Everything in my wants to recoil – run – play it safe – never take a risk again. Live in a Bubble –

1)Can’t do that – Why? Two reasons  #1 Jesus forgave me & continues to forgive me – So I have to forgive


C) #2 Jesus took a risk on me and continues to take risks on me.

1)I have failed Him/ Broken promises – I have misrepresented him – Moses missed promise land


D)I have misrepresented the Lord at times – Mad or frustrated when he wasn’t – because of my own frustration and  perception


E)Lord forgive me – Do I need to quit – No, but try not to do that again


I have to take risks – because Jesus took a risk on me – still does

A)Never more like Jesus than when you are willing to take a risk { Love w/out conditions


B)His Love suffers long and is kind 


C)Can’t have real love without risk – IMPOSSIBLE



So Solomon is calling her to come out – Arise spring is here – take a risk with me and invest in this relationship

A)Come out from where it is safe – where it is comfortable.


B)As soon as you do that you open up the door for your flaws and weaknesses to come out.


C)But it is so important that those things are seen and talked about before you get married.


Point of this next verse:

15 Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes.


The Little foxes were deadly to the vineyard because they like to nibble on the early blossoms from the vine

A)As a result no fruit will mature from those blossoms.


B)The little foxes are the things that have the potential to nip a relationship in the bud

1)What Solomon is saying – is let’s catch these little foxes now – before we go further.


C)There comes a point in a relationship – starts to progress – you have to talk about struggles/ past

1)You have to talk about your insecurities


D)Premarital – Like/dislike Parents / Expectations


I didn’t have any surprises – about my wife and her past when I married her NOR her about me – we talked thru those things – important

A)I knew about her past relationships / she knew about mine.


B)Little Foxes might include all the fears and hurts you carry – all the preconceived ideas –

1)Past struggles – Porn – Eating disorders – Abuse

    Have to talk about those things { Take risk


C)Just because you have a past – doesn’t mean you are damaged goods


D)The Church has to be Community of redemption – imperfect pp that have been saved – that are in the process of being set free – healed – restored



God sees us as a new creation in Christ – what we are positionally – and thru the grace of God – power of the HS working in us – that is what we are becoming practically –


A)One issue – one flaw – one thing at a time


B)If the person you are dating isn’t spiritually mature enough to process that info

1)Or it doesn’t fit their ideal – or because of their own past they can’t deal with it.


C)You are no where close to being ready to be married.


I read a story about a girl who had the rep for being lose in College – she was the Pass around girl ….

A)She had been thru more than 20 sexual affairs during her college days.


B)After college  got saved – God did a radical thing in her life. She met a nice Christian man-

1)Very pure upbringing – Virgin


C)Came the point she had to tell him about her past – She was scarred to death. –


D)This is how he responded: He wept openly for the pain and grief she had suffered.

1)He rejoiced even more in her conversion seeing the transformation that had taken place in her life


E)He pledged to be her protector, loving her in a way that gave her a genuine shield against the world.


You know what she blossomed even more – in that atmosphere of unconditional love.

A)She lived to please that man and fulfill that man because – She was so loved by Him.


B) That Church is what we are to be for one another

1)People feel safe enough to be real.


C)Not pretending – to be something they are not.

1)special about D/A {Pp know life is wrecked


D)Has to be seen in Home groups / Men’s / womens

1)Community of imperfect flawed pp celebrating redemption. {That real – not judged – loved


So Solomon is saying – lets take this relationship to the next level. Invest – be real – catch the foxes.

A)Catch them now so we can work thru these things


B)She takes the risk and notice the result

1)Risk leads to Rest – to intimacy

16 My beloved is mine, and I am his.

He feeds his flock among the lilies.


17 Until the day breaks and the shadows flee away,

Turn, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or a young stag upon the mountains of Bether. 


She is saying how she wants to be pursued she doesn’t like it at the end of the day when they have to go their separate ways back to their own homes

A)Again we see her longing for intimacy, Again that happens after He has spent time w/ her invested.


B)Been said that when it comes to sex – a guy is like a microwave – heats up in a matter of minutes

1)Woman is like a Crock pot – Takes time – takes conversation – takes romance – has to feel safe.


C)The thing that I find so intriguing about this book is the woman is the one expressing her sexual desire

1)But it is always after – Solomon has taken the time to be with her invest in that relationship


D)God is trying to tell us something men{ Importance of building the relationship

1)That makes the sex extra special.


Another question I like to ask in Premarital – How many times a wk do you think – you will have sex?

A)Guys it is always more{ Know of one guy – answered – 15 – twice a day 3 times on the Sabbath.


B)His bride to be said 2 guess who was right?


C)Song of Solomon is trying to show us how the most intimate fulfilled marriages are ones that are built on trust, communication, friendship and unconditional love and forgiveness.

A line in the Movie Fireproof – “Can’t give what you don’t have.”  Love of Christ – only believers.

Romans 5:5 “The love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”


A)Application for us as believers – The closer we get to Jesus – more we experience of His love –

1)And the more yielded we are to the HS the more of that love we will have to give out.


B)Marriage passage starts Ephesians 5:18 – Be continually being filled.

1)Power to resist the natural urges toward being selfish instead of selfless!