Song of Solomon 3:1-5 Sex, God and Love Part 4

“RESTRAINT”

 

We are in the middle of a series in the book of Song of Solomon - Series: Sex God and Love

A)Talking about Love intimacy relationships romance and Sexuality as it is presented in the Bible.

 

B)SOS is Book that celebrates the Beauty of Sexual intimacy

 

C)But lays out for us the atmosphere where Sexual intimacy thrives and is Healthy!

 

Looking Back – rehearsing their love relationship to the daughters of Jerusalem.

A)Each scene is a lesson in what leads to a healthy relationship

 

Scene 1 Ch.1 – Affirmation

A)She was feeling insecure about her appearance

 

B)To the point where she was saying: Don’t look at me – dark – tanned by the sun – Working girl – muscles – felt unkept

 

C)We watched how Solomon – affirmed her, made her feel special, and valuable more than any other girl in the Kingdom

 

D)We witnessed a transformation – right before our eyes – because of that affirmation.

 

E)She goes from saying Don’t look at me – to saying I am love sick – I want to be with you right now {  

               Desiring intimacy in it’s fullness

 

 

Scene 2 Ch. 2 - Risk - 

Saw last week – Solomon invites her to take a risk – to invest her heart -  expose fears / faults insecurities

 

A)She takes the risk and doesn’t get abused –

 

B)Result – she doesn’t want him to leave – Her love is growing { bummed they have to separate

 

C)Parrallel in the Christian life is Powerful

 

God says take a risk – follow me! Yield to me

A)Let me love you – let me heal you –

 

B)Response is Love service worship

 

 

Ch. 3 – She is so drawn to Solomon – She has a dream of losing him!   RD V.1-4

A)She has this nightmare at the thought of losing him . Good test if you are ready for marriage –

 

B)When you are away from that person do you really miss them?

1)Take a week or two – see what happens – is there a longing

 

C)First mission trip 21 days – married – 4yrs  -

 

D)At first we were really excited – going into a former communist country to share the gospel – first 5 days was ok

 

 

Then Howard and myself really started missing our wives – Howard – singing the blues – play it again - - I fell in love with the blues on that trip

A)Now when I go somewhere – 8 days tops – Best is when Denise can go with me – Frequent flyer miles  program.

 

B)Ever imagined or thought – what would life be like without your spouse! – So Hard

1)Those in our fellowship – everyday – God’s grace

 

B)Shulamite  loves him so much finds him and Takes him home – not because she is wanting to have sex with him –

1)Safest place she knows – Parents Bed –

     Kids nightmare – garage / dog house

 

 

 

So here we see once again: They are showing what is involved in a healthy relationship how it grows

A)Affirmation – risk – self sacrificing love – care commitment – Longing

 

B)Then they turn for a 2nd time to the daughters of Jerusalem to say:    Song 3:5

I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem,

By the gazelles or by the does of the field,

Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.

 

The Gazelle is an antelope one of the sleekest most beautiful of all the animals in the Middle East

A)Highly valuable It is lean and youthful in appearance but easily startled and flushed out of it’s hiding places

 

B)The same is true of the doe the female deer

 

C)It is considered gentle, beautiful and tender in appearance but an easily frightened

1)Quick to take flight

 

D)Like the doe and the Gazelle they are saying to these young women – don’t allow your natural sexual desires to be quickly inflamed

 

E)Don’t awaken the sexual desires before they can be rightfully expressed!  {MARRIAGE}

 

 

Theme of this message today is on the Restraint!

Why does God want us to wait until marriage to have Sex?

A)Why is sexual purity to important to God!

God makes us in a way to sexual pp

 

B)In Fact we were Sexual before we were Sinful

     1)Adam and Eve Knew each other and enjoyed each other sexually – before the Fall

 

C)So God makes us sexual – Gives us a sex drive – feelings and emotions and urges– then says – Hold off until you get married – Why? Kill Joy

 

Is He trying to Drive us Crazy!

A)Often times when we hear this question get answered it is in the context of what the world calls casual sex – Hookups –

 

B)The kind of thing that is promoted constantly on TV and movies

 

C)Arguments usually are of this nature: You might get a disease / might get pregnant

1)You are sinning against your own body – you are giving away a part of yourself, never get back

 

D)More times you do that it is like peeling away the layers of an Onion – soon nothing left.

 

E)Defrauding that person: Using them for you own selfish pleasure.

1)ALL OF THAT IS TRUE!

 

But often times that doesn’t translate to the couple who is in a committed relationship – already talking about marriage or engaged.

A)They say: We love each other and are committed to each other – we want to express that.

 

B)Why wait? – Why doesn’t God want us to express our love!

1)Nothing cheap about this to us!

 

Two goals today: #1 I want to answer that question today: Deal with it from that perspective.

A)I think the answer to that question is really at the heart of why God says wait!

 

B)All those other potential effects are really side affects to this one central issue.

1)Important that we understand – and teach our kids not just what God says – But why?

 

C)The answer to that question has to do with ONENESS! 

 

#2 Second goal is for those who are married – greater appreciation from God’s perspective of what is happening – in the marriage bed.

 

Side note Whenever we deal with a subject like this I know it makes some pp uneasy.

A)Reason is when it comes to this area of your life – you have already blown it – not a virgin

 

B)You weren’t when you got married.

1)Adultery is part of your story

 

C)So all this does is open olds wounds – For that I am sorry! But I want to remind you of what I said last week!

 

 

God’s word hold up two things before us #1 Is God’s intent – loving father says this is what is best!

A)Important for everyone here who has not yet gone down that road – they know God’s heart

 

B)They know what God says and why? – Important we know how to communicate this to our kids

 

C)So the first thing the Word of God always puts before us is God’s Intent – His best.

1)The 2nd thing that the word of God puts before us

is the possibility of redemption.

 

D)There is Forgiveness and restoration and freedom in Christ – NEW STARTS – NEW YOU!

 

E)Virgin in God’s eyes – Go into a marriage with no regrets – knowing – New creation in Christ

F)Marriage can be restored – be even better – because God is able to restore the yrs that the locust have eaten 

 

So keep that in mind as we have this discussion today

 

Why should two people who really love each other and are going to get married have to wait?

A)At the heart of this answer has to do w/ Oneness!

                 Turn to Gen 2

 

B)Genesis 2 God makes man – loneliness – companion a friend –

 

21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

 

23 And Adam said:

 

"This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;

She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, {Marriage} and they shall become one flesh. { Honeymoon

 

Note ONE FLESH!

 

Marriage is about oneness – becoming one!

A)Starts when they are dating{ Are they compatible

Share similar vision for life – One intellectually

Similar goals – directions – viewpoints

 

B)Important{If the guy thinks he is called to the mission field – live in poverty

1)Her picture is white picket fence 3 car garage – probably not meant to be.

 

C) One emotionally – Linking of their souls – as they sharing their hearts

1)Part of that risk time – vulnerable

 

Engagement: One financially – planning a weapon making arrangements for living – pulling assets

A)Steps toward leaving and cleaving.

 

B)Wedding Day: {One legally and Spiritually – One in the eyes of the state- joint tax

1)One in the eyes of God.

 

C)Honeymoon night  is the culmination of that oneness- they have sex!

 

Everything is building toward that moment –

Oneness – Sacred

A)That Physical union is the culmination of everything that has been happening w/ minds, their hearts, their emotions, their souls, & their spirits.

 

B)That is such a precious thing – such a radical thing

1)God wants it to remain sacred, special, - Loving God says { Don’t cheapen this{ don’t ruin this

 

C)Final step in that oneness! – God wants it to be wonderful.

 

D)Every time a married couple comes together sexually it is a celebration of that oneness.

1)God wants us to celebrate that oneness – often

 

E)Make up sex can be so enjoyable – fights cause a tear in that oneness –

1)Repentance happens – confession – sorry

Couple comes together – celebrating – one again

 

So God who is Good – always thinking of our best

God who invented Sex for our enjoyment.

A)God who loves us more than we can comprehend says wait until you are married.

 

B)That is the right place and atmosphere to experience that oneness

1)Until you are married – not ready to experience that oneness – because you are NOT YET ONE!

 

C)But what if we love each other and we want to give ourselves to each other and we are going to get married eventually.

1)Your body is not yours to give – You have been bought with a price – you belong to God.

D)Pastor for 22yrs every couple I know who didn’t wait – still got married to each other deeply regretted it afterward.

1)Brought feelings of guilt and condemnation into their marriage.

 

E)And I know many couples who gave in to the temptation and ended up not getting married.

1)Regretted it even more!

 

Oness is Sacred

A)Sex is about celebrating that oneness – Sex is about seeking to bless gratify your spouse.

 

B)Focus in a healthy marriage should be on what you can give – not what you can get.

 

C)When two married pp approach intimacy in that way they are building each other up

1)Deepening & Strengthening their ONENESS -

 

D)God wants that oneness to be protected!

 

Hebrews 13:4

 “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.”NIV

 

B)Marriage bed is defiled – by adultery {Oneness broken.

1)Spouse is hurt and shamed!

 

C) Self destruction

Proverbs 6:26  By means of a Seductress

A man is reduced to a crust of bread;

And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.

 

Proverbs  6:32 Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding;

He who does so destroys his own soul.

 

D)Oneness is defiled By Pornography – Masturbation { Self sex { Self gratification -

 

E)Defiled by fantasy or Emotional relationships { Breaking oneness

1)Where your treasure is your heart will follow

Sharing your treasure.

 

God has designed that we only become one with one person. – Spouse!

A)Divorce or Death frees you to experience that again

 

B)Marriage is the setting for oneness to happen

 

C)Marriage is the setting for that oneness to be celebrated!

 

Exhortation to the unmarried – Don’t stir up or awaken love until it’s time – until it should be fulfilled

Question: Would you start a fire in the middle of your living room? – No! Why you might burn the house down

A)The middle of your living room is not the Proper place for that kind of fire

 

B)That is what a fire place is for!

 

C)Sex before MARRIAGE is like starting a fire in your living room – IT DESTROYS – things

Proverbs 6:27-28

“Can a man take fire to his bosom, and not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared?”

 

Just as a fire out of bounds grows and grows until it rages out of control and destroys everything in it’s path so to is sex without marriage

 

Dating needs boundries – can’t trust the flesh –

Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak – so don’t give it an opportunity

A)Avoid being alone especially late at night

 

B)Have accountability – PP who will ask you straight up { Look me in the eye – how is it going.