John
Gray became a household name and an overnight
millionare with his best
selling book Men are from Mars women are from Venus
His book he helped pp
realize this Fact:
Men and women are different
We think
differently we see things differently and we
feal things differently
Examples:
Going out
A)Things are simple for a
man women are a little more complex
B)Women
dress to express themselves
men
dress {well}so that they wont be naked!
C)When
a women is going out she has to decide if she is going to wear her hair up or
down, flats or heels, slacks of a dress, Jewelry or no Jewelry
Lots of make up
or little make up
D)A
Man picks up the some clothes off the floor smells them and if there is no
visible stains he has an outfit
Another
difference: YOU know how a man tells another man he appreciates him He insults him
A)Hey Fat boy how you
doing
B)Never hear a
woman yell across the parking lot
Hey
Fat girl
C) A guy will go up to his
friend and say hey did you get dressed in the
dark today?
1)A
woman might think it but she would never say it
D)A man will come up to his
buddy touch his stomach and say: put on a few lbs
lately
1)Women never do that
Communication
is another area where men and women are different.
A)Most women are good at
expressing themselves
Many men are not
B)But as good as women are
at expressing themselves sometimes they speak in CODE
C)A guy comes home from work
Says Hi honey how was your day She responds FINE!
D)Here is where the code comes in: He has to pay attention to THE TONE of her Answer
1)If she says Fine this
way: Happy means Fine
2)If she says Fine this
way: Sharp means Bad
Here
is what happens if he misses the tone: He hears fine and thinks great she had
a good day.
A)So he wanders into the
family room and picks up that male therapy device called the remote control
Completely unaware of what just transpired
B)2 hrs pass and he wonders
why he didnt get dinner.
C)If goes to her and says
Honey is something wrong she answers no which really means yes
1)But
it also means you werent interested in finding out 3 hrs ago so dont think
I am going to tell you now!
CC)How many of you know what
I am talking about
D)That is totally a woman
thing Most men dont play those kind of head games not smart enough
We
have our own code much simplier I picked this up off the internet MAN CODE
"Take a break, honey,
you're working too hard."
--- Really means ---
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"Can I help with
dinner?"
--- Really means ---
"Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh,"
"Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
--- Really means ---
Absolutely nothing. Its a MALE conditioned response
"We're going to be
late."
--- Really means ---
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"That's women's
work."
--- Really means ---
"It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
You know how bad my memory
is."
--- Really means ---
"I remember the theme song to Happy days , the address of our first house-
Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your
birthday."
"Hey, I've got my reasons
for what I'm doing."
--- Really means ---
"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"We share the
housework."
--- Really means ---
"I make the messes, she cleans them up."
John
Gray was right men and women are different however he made a small error
Men are not from Mars and women are not from venus
No they have both been
created by God and their differences are by Divine design {No accident
Here is what is really
interesting to me the Bible doesnt really highlight our differences Accept
in 1 Peter 3:7 Peter refers to the wife as the
weaker
.
1 Peter 3:7
Likewise,
husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the
woman as the weaker vessel.ESV
A)The word vessel used of priceless, fragile china.
B)It was also used of sacred
vessels used in the temple for the worship of God.
C)When Peter says that women are the Weaker Vessel - He is not saying she is
inferior in anyway
1)Quite
the contrary he is saying she needs to be honored.
D)He is also not referring
to moral character or to intellectual ability or to spiritual perception.
1)It
refers primarily to the difference in physical strength between men and women.
E)She is more delicate
like the sacred vessels in the temple made of fine stuff
1)Men
are like a rootbeer mug women like fine china
I
think it also has something to do with a womans emotional make up she is
going to be more emotional about things Feel things deeply
A)Men
bounce back things dont affect us on an emotional level like it does a
woman.
B)That is the only real
difference the Bible makes about the make up of a man and a woman.
What
it does instead is focuses on where they are the same.
A)That is why I had you turn
to Ephesians 5 see where we are the same.
{Where this passage starts
B)Last week we looked at how
this passage ended in v.33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love
his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
C)In that one verse is a
summary of everything that Paul said in the Previous 10 verses
D)He starts with
the Husband he is to love his wife as He loves himself.
A
lot of guys wonder what does it mean to love my wife like Christ loved the
Church.
A)That is the answer right
there Love her and seek to take care of her like you do yourself.
B)You know how to nurture
your body Feed clothe protect respond to pain
C)Quick to forgive yourself
as when you have erred
1)Quick to show grace to
ourselves be that way with your wife.
D)You are very sensitive to your own needs and God wants you
to be sensitive in that same way toward her!
That
is the message summed up to the husband
The
message summed up to the wife is Respect
A)I really like this word
because it really helps define what Paul is saying by submission.
B)Respect
speaks of being submitted and supportive
1)A Soldier will submit to
is commanding officer so that he doesnt get into trouble
D)But if he respects his
commanding officer he will not only submit but support
Some
ladies are submitted but not supportive which means they are not respecting
their husbands
A)So whenever he makes a bad
call/ decision they love to throw it in his face not supportive
B)Respect speaks of a woman
who is submitted to her husband and the place of
leadership God gave
1)She supports him in that
role and wants to be his helper chief advisor head cheer leader
C)Realizes they are in this
thing together
1)Marriage is an ordered
equality{ One flesh called them Adam Gave THEM DOMINION
..
D)A
Man who loves his wife will seek her counsel and input on matters
1)They will Prayerfully make
decisions together.
So
to the man He says love, take care and be sensitive to your wife/ LIKE YOU love, care and are sensitive to
your own needs
A)Treat her the way that you
like to be treated be in tune with her like you are w/ your own body
B)That is a tall order
especially because she can be so different
1)AND because we can be so
self centered.
C) For the wife She is to Respect her husband ie she is to be
submissive and supportive
1)That is tough for her
because part of the curse is she will have a natural desire to lead to rule
over
So
all that means is that both the Husband and the wife need Help from God to
fulfill their roles
A)Starting pt for Marriage
rd V.18 Lit Be
continually being filled YOU LEAK
B)Here is what that means: I
need HIS daily empowering to be the Husband called me to be
C)I am dependant upon the
Spirit of God to make me sensitive to my wifes needs
1)To empower me to be
selfless instead of selfish
D)So a daily prayer needs to be Lord empower me and help me today in
my marriage to walk after the spirit and not after the flesh
1)My wife
needs to pray in that same way!
Next Paul tells us what
Walking
in the Spirit being empowered by the Spirit of God being sensitive to the
spirit- looks like v.19,20
A)Not going thru house
singing like a musical Do you want some dinner Yes I would love a steak
B)But the atmosphere is one
of Joy thanksgiving and grace
C)Does that describe the
atmosphere in your home?
Notice also
v.21 submitting to one another in the fear of
God.
A)Before he says one word to
the wife about Submission or Husband about love
B)He says You
need to CONTINUALLY being filled with My Spirit -
C)And there needs to be a
mutual submission to me and to each other
D)The fear of God speaks of
a reverence for God
1)His way is best He loves
us therefore we want to walk in it.
E)More than I want to be
right I want to be right with God.
So
the Bible upholds this is how you are the same Same commission Submission
/ Love / respect
A)In need of the same Help
B)Empowered
by the same Spirit!
C)Redeemed by the same blood
Another area where we are
the Same is in the need to be forgiving turn to Song of Solomon ch.6
Saw
last week this couple conflict
A)She was feeling unloved
& neglected - Solomon came home late
B)Solomon felt disrespected
wife locked him out of the room She
goes to sleep
C)He didnt seek
to fix things makes no effort to see what is wrong {He just leaves
1) He gets up early off to
work without a word
Both of them are wrong! -
D)Beginning of a pattern and
cycle that will send this marriage into a major tale spin
1)Ultimately kill it
E)Best
case scenario they are two pp continuing to live in the same house
- but with no real relationship
1)Worse case: One or both of
the partners seek what they are not getting at home somewhere outside of it
What
they are both called to is FORGIVENESS and that forgiveness needs to be
expressed that is exactly what we see happens
NOTE:Forgiveness is a non
negotiable Required might need to ask daily for help
Why
are we to forgive: Simple Because we have been forgiven Jesus died for my sin
A)Died for the Sins of the
Spouse that sinned against you.
B)No right to ever hold a
grudge against Denise I have been forgiven of so much!
C)Peter 7 times 70X7=490
dont count !
2ND NOTE: When
trust has been broken Adultery betrayal Porn
Forgiveness
is required but TRUST takes time to build back time and consistent behavior
and actions
The wounded party needs time
to see if the repentance is real!
Important that we understand
that
What
were talking about here is more the normal day to day conflicts that need to be
worked out so they dont turn into something bigger.
Recall that she
fell asleep and had a nightmare She goes looking for Solomon Wakes up
A)That is exactly what she
does She feels bad and wants to make things right
#1
Somebody has to make the first move! You can
stew or you can forgive and move to reconcile
A)She makes the first move
and goes to Solomon
B)Notice what she says in
V.3 I am my beloved's, And my beloved is mine.
He feeds his
flock among the lilies.
C)In this we see her
repentance for her behavior repent: Means to change your mind
D)She was thinking this way:
I was mad at him but not anymore.
E)The change of mind results
in a change of behavior and direction.
1)The night before she
wanted nothing to do with him and now she cant live without him.
#2
There has to be genuine repentance
Notice how he responds:
4 O my love, you are as
beautiful as Tirzah,
Lovely as Jerusalem,
Awesome as an army with
banners!
5 Turn your eyes away
from me,
For they have overcome
me.
Your hair is like a flock
of goats
Going down from Gilead.
6 Your teeth are like a
flock of sheep
Which have come up from
the washing;
Every one bears twins,
And none is barren among
them.
7 Like a piece of
pomegranate
Are your temples behind
your veil.
#3
Forgiveness needs to be communicated
A)She comes to say she is sorry and to seek
forgiveness
He doesnt just say ok
fine lets move on
B)He greets her with
words of love - IN doing so we see his own repentance
1)I might have been
mad or disappointed w/ you last night
BUT NOT NOW
4 O my love, you are as
beautiful as Tirzah,
Lovely as Jerusalem,
Awesome as an army with
banners!
Tizrah
means delight {Tizrah was a
beautiful ancient city of the kings of Canaan
Jerusalem was THE
PRIZE OF ISRAEL!
Awesome
as an army with Banners Repeats twice again V.10
A)The greatest sight
to a solider who has escaped from the enemy or who was out in the field
B)Is to find his way
back to His city of refuge back to that place of strength back to his army
with banners
C)Solomons way of
saying my relationship with you is my refuge place of strength
D)I can get fired at
from all sides I can get beat up all day Love to come home refuge
shelter
E)Jesus and my wife
Provide that If Denise and I are at odds HORRIBLE!
By
reciting the same words he used on their wedding night he is basically saying
Nothing has Changed
A)He still loves her
and feels the same way.
B)When he says in V.5
turn your eyes away basically saying just seeing you gets me excited
But I am not going to
use this situation to get sex
C)Not going to sieze
this moment for his own personal gratification not use it
D)Not going to
disrespect you in that way It might even be a way of saying You mean more
to me than just sex
Wife
needs to know that fellas She means more to you than just cook, clean, iron
and sex -
8 There are sixty queens
and eighty concubines,
and virgins without
number.
9 My dove, my perfect
one, is the only one, the only one of her mother, the favorite of the one who
bore her.
The daughters saw her and
called her blessed,
The queens and the concubines,
and they praised her.
10 Who is she who looks
forth as the morning,
Fair as the moon, clear
as the sun,
Awesome as an army with
banners?
This
still predates Solomon going off the deep end pursuing lust adding 700 wives
/ 300 concubines
A)But his popularity
has been growing - Kings and queens
have been seeking at audience with him
B)So he
is saying essentially there are queens all of the world Virgins girls who
havent yet experienced marital love
C)There are
Concubines glorified prostitutes women who know how to use their bodies to
get ahead
D)I know that being
the King I am I could have as many of them as I want -
D)None of them hold a
candle to you! None compare with you.
1)No matter the
category they all admire you and call you blessed.
E)Solomon is Cherishing
his wife here Giving her love as
she gave him respect
In a nutshell Solomon was
communicating to his bride that in his eyes she was the only woman in the
world.
Solomon
and his wife repent of their wrong attitudes / repent of their stubborn pride
A)Notice the result She
says
11 I went down
to the garden of nuts
To see the
verdure of the valley,
To see whether
the vine had budded
And the
pomegranates had bloomed.
12 Before I was
even aware,
My soul had made
me
As the chariots
of my noble people.
She said I went down to the
garden to find out if there was still hope for fruitfulness in this
relationship what I discovered is my husband and love had fully forgiven me
Picture of Full restoration
12 Before I was
even aware,
My soul had made
me
As the chariots
of my noble people.
In the Hebrew culture one of
the highest forms of recognition
that reconciliation had been granted was to ask THAT person to ride in
your Chariot with you.
It was a sign of total trust {CLOSE} as well as a
public display of relationship between you two.
Result
is closeness { Solomon says
13 Return,
return, O Shulamite;
Return, return,
that we may look upon you!
What would you
see in the Shulamite
As it were, the
dance of the two camps?
Shulamite was actually the
nickname for his bride It was derived from his name In the Hebrew Solomon
is Shlomo
A)By Calling her the Shulamite it was like saying she is one
with me part of me
1)The same as me
The
dance of the two camps two camps at war partying now that the dance was
over
I dont know about you but
I like to party a lot more than I like to make war
B)Jesus first miracle was at
a Wedding celebration turned water into wine
1)Save a young couple from
embarrassment
C)Marriage is where miracles
are needed the most
Your marriage today: Needs a
miracle ?
1.Healing
2. Going thru motions -
1.
Empower me today
2.
Make me Sensitive to the
spirit
3.