Ephesians 5:25
Building A
Solid Marriage Part 3 – Loving Like Christ
George & Barbara Bush – No he would be
President
A)
True that part of why God brings two people together is to use us in each
others lives to help us become the people He wants us to be
B)
Last two studies – the Building essentials: v.18-21 Today we are going to begin looking at the roles of the Husband
& the wife. { RD v.18-33
Now
Notice that Paul spends 3 verses in
explaining the role of the wife -
who
represents the Church! 8 verses on the
men ! Why?
A)
Men hold the key to a successful marriage: You see– God who is into pictures
gives us a picture of what Marriage is to look like { Christ
and the Church
C)
IN that Picture – The Husband is in the role of Jesus / the wife is in the role
of the Church
1) What that means is: the Husband in many ways
hold the keys to the marriage relationship
D) Granted it takes two to have a good marriage but
the primary responsibility for the marriage rest on the Husbands shoulder
1) At least 95% of the success of a marriage hinges
on the performance of the Husband to love his wife like Christ loves the Church
E) Now I have had men take issue with me for that
Statement { Some have left the Church{ Truthfully I don’t like it either - But that the picture
Think of it in this way: We as the Church Love Jesus:
because He first loved us
A)
We seek to be in submission to Jesus – because He gave Himself for
B) We want to serve Christ – out of a response for
all that he has done for us How He came to be a servant
1) It is a willing act of love because
– We have been so deeply loved
C)
So in a healthy marriage a wife is going to respond w/ love & service and
submission – the more she understands how deeply she is loved by her …
Now
since that is the picture that Paul is painting here – Christ & the Church
– I want to start with us guys – Role of Christ in the relationship
A)
V25 Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church
–
B)
Now no husband can achieve that command perfectly – but what I have seen is
when a husband – attempts to do this – Wife responds
1)
And the Marriage is blessed –
So that is where we begin –
This exhortation in v.25 Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her
A) Begin
by discussing this word LOVE : What does it mean to love your wife
B)
I came across some kids views on Love : I don’t know where they found these
kids – but their answers were interesting
1st they were asked
: Why does love happen between certain
people? Andrew, age 6, said, "Well one of the people has freckles, so he finds
somebody else who has freckles, too."
May, age 9, said, "No one is really sure why it happens, but I heard it has
something to do with how you smell and that's why perfume and deodorant are so
popular."
And then they were
asked...what do you think falling in love is like? John, age 9, said, "It's like an avalanche and you ought to run for your
life."
And Glenn, age 7, said, "If falling in love is anything like learning how to
spell, I don't want to do it, it takes too long."
On the role of looks in love,
the children were asked...how important is your looks when it comes to falling
in love?
Anita, age 8, said, "If you
want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt
to be beautiful."
Brian, age 7, said, "It
isn't always just how you look, look at me, I'm handsome like anything and I
haven't gotten anybody to marry me yet."
Christine said, "While beauty
is skin deep, but how rich you are can last a long time."
And the children were asked...why do lovers hold hands? Gavin, age 8,
said, “Men do it I am told to keep their wives
from going shopping "
Finally they were asked to
make suggestions about sure-fire ways to really fall in love. Dell, age 6,
said, "Tell her you own a whole bunch of
candy stores."
Bart, age 9, said, "One
way to do it, to make a person fall in love, is to take her out to eat and make
sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries always works for me."
C) Well it is true there are
a lot of different opinions out there today on what love is supposed to look
like !!!
1) But we want to consider
love from God’s point of view
It
should be noted that in the Grk lang. they had 3 words to describe love! English one / We say I love pizza , dog , my wife
A)
But In the grk they used diff. words to describe the way in which they loved !
B) 1st word Eros / English
word erotic - it describes love on the
Physical plain / sexual love!
Involves Feelings, emotions,
infatuation -
C)
We have a perverted
view of this kind of love because of the way it has been abused in
our society !
D)
But erodes finds its place in the marriage relationship / God designed sex /
beautiful fulfilling aspect of intimacy in marriage
PRO 5:15,18 Drink water from
your own cistern, and running water from your own well. Let your fountain be
blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.
E) Basically Solomon is saying find
fulfillment in your spouse!
Eros
love often involves a physical attraction - And you should be physically
attracted to your spouse !
A)
But here is something that we need to understand is that outer Beauty is really
enhanced by inner Beauty.
B) The closer a person gets to the Lord - the more Beautiful they
become as they begin to reflect Him - His Beauty comes thru !!!
1) Why worldly or non Christian
guys are often attracted to Christian girls - they see the Lord in them !
C)
They see something in the Christian girls that they don’t see in other girls
Something they don’t know what it is but they are attracted to. It is Jesus
D) So Eros love - is
love on a physical plain - important in a marriage it has its place but it is
not what a marriage is to be based on!
1) Paul doesn't use Eros when he says
husbands love your wife!
E)
Because feelings are going to come and go! Appearances are going to
change – SO Eros love fluctuates
2nd
Love - Phileo - Brotherly love:
A) Phileo love is a love that
gives and takes - it is a friendship
kind of love -
fondness! Phileo love is important in
marriage
B) I believe a husband and
wife should be best friends!
1) They should Enjoy
spending time together!
Winston
Churchill Dinner - asked if he died and could come back as anyone but himself -
who would he be? Lady Churchill's 2nd
husband!
A.) Not only did he score pts w/ his answer but
his comments are a good illustration of
how we should feel! Enjoy being
together
B.) Phileo love is a friendship love -
love that says I enjoy being with you!
1)
Guys, ask when 1st married - (can't - tied down now) No - I just enjoy being w/
here more than you!
C)
Phileo love is also important in marriage - though it
centers on
pleasure derived from that person
1) But Phileo is not the word Paul used!
The
word that Paul used was the word Agape-
Agape is the highest form of love!
God’s love: Elevates
marriage to highest level!
A) Eros love and Phileo love
Will flow naturally when Agape is in force!
B) Agape is a word that
speaks of a love that springs from the preciousness of the object loved.
1) This is the love that God
has for the world. “For God so loved the world.
C) It’s a love that gives
without expectation of receiving something in return, This love is a love that
is centered in others rather in self.
1) And it’s a love that was demonstrated by Christ when He came.
Loved depicted in the PASSION
D) It’s that highest sort of
love that the apostle is calling the husband to have toward his wife.
Gal
5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy,
peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23 gentleness,
self-control. Against such there is no law.
A) It’s a love that’s marked
by joy. There’s joy in the
relationship. It’s not a burdensome
sort of a love. But it’s a joyous
love.
There’s a delightful aspect to it.
B) PEACE: It’s a peaceful
love. It’s a love that demonstrates
itself in our dwelling peacefully together.
1) It’s a love that’s
longsuffering, a love that’s patient, a love that’s not easily irritated or
provoked.
C) It’s a love that’s
kind. It’s a love that’s manifested in
goodness. It’s a love that’s faithful,
there’s that commitment.
1) It’s a love that’s
gentle. And it’s a love that has
self-control.
D) This is the love that God
desires would permeate our relationship with our wife
E) Been referred to as charity
in KJ 1 Cor 13 -Which Gives us some
insight = a love that shows itself in deeds! Not all words
It is a Love that Sacrifices He gave himself for his Bride
A.) What can we learn from
Christ example of loving Sacrificially
B.) Right off the bat I think we would say - It
is a love that says I would be willing
to lay down my life for my wife!
1.) Heroic pictures of standing before
intruders saying "Don't kill her
here please take me"
C.)
But the thing we need to understand is - when Jesus laid down his life on the
cross that was the exclamation pt. of what He had been illustrating His whole life
D) His whole life was about sacrifice &
service !
Son of man came not to be
served but to serve and to lay down His life a ransom for many!
Consider
how was this love Demonstrated by Christ ? 4 things
1st
it is a love that Makes your wife YOUR
priority
A) We read in Phil 2 that
when Jesus came to redeem us - He left everything. He gave up everything in order to save us. That He did as an act of love.
B) And so when I’m called to
love my wife as Christ loved the church, I must ask myself the question, “Have I left everything behind?”
1) Have I, in other words,
made my wife the priority in my life?”
C) You know, as a Christian
man, your wife is to be your highest priority next to your relationship with
the Lord.
1) That is the order in the Scripture. God is always, of course, to be our first
priority. But our second priority is to
be our wives
You know, a lot of times,
problems exist in marriage because of a failure to do that. The husband hasn’t really made the wife a
priority.
A) Family ties – Controlled
and manipulated by family : Young man brought girls home to meet Parents – Mother didn’t
like her ……
Looked like Mom ……… Father didn’t like her
B) Sometimes that is the case
the husband is still holding on to family ties, still being controlled or
manipulated, by family relationships
1) maybe a domineering
mother, or a sibling who is constantly meddling or wanting to interfere in the
marriage—
C) the husband has this sort
of loyalty to the family [so] that he keeps getting influenced by them.
1) And in doing so, he’s not
really loving his wife in the sense that he’s supposed to.
D) Remember the Scripture
says that a man is to leave his father and mother and
cleave to his wife.
Some times it is friends or
hobbies that a man is holding on to that show his wife is not his priority
A) Not saying that any of those things are wrong in
& of themselves – Denise & I are blessed w/ a great relationship w/ my
parents –
B) But what I am saying is that – the wife needs to
know that she is the Priority
C) So as we love our wives as
Christ loved the church, we have to remember as we look at Christ, we see the
first thing He did was to leave everything.
1) He gave up
everything. The church became His
priority.
Secondly, we see that
Jesus was a servant.
A) Jesus Christ was a servant
to the church. . You remember Jesus washed the disciples’
feet. He took the role of a servant.
B) And in loving our wives as
Christ loved the church: that means that we’re to be serving our wives.
1) A lot of men look at their
wives to be the servants
A very Bright 4 yr old girl
was talking to her dad about marriage – she was having a hard time grasping the
concept of it.
Her father decided to pull
out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after
another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the
wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so," she said, "is that when mommy
came to work for us?"
Sometimes fellas – our kids
can get that impression – because that is the way we treat our wives – Servants
A) But in the Christian
community, and according to the teaching of the New Testament, if there’s a
slave in the house, it’s to be the man.
B) The man is to be the
servant of all because Christ came as servant.
And we’re to emulate the Lord Jesus Christ.
C) So in your marriage, are you thinking of your wife as your slave or do you think of you as your wife’s servant?
1) You’re there to minister
to her.
D) You see, Jesus, just
flipped everything up on its head. “He
that would be the greatest among you let Him be the slave of all,”
E) Really our wives Job is
harder than ours { Women’s Retreat Lowest attendance of the year Why? Guys just can’t
get it together
So if we are going to love
like Christ it should mean that we are going to seek ways to serve our wives – 3rd
to lift their Burdens not add to them
A) Many women struggle under
the burden that the husband has placed upon them to live up to some sort of a
standard. MOM –
B) Phil “Well my wife’s supposed to do what my mom
did, which was virtually everything.” But that’s not the way it’s supposed to be
C) We’re not to go around the
house flinging our dirty clothes wherever we want, and expecting the wife to
pick them up,
1) eating dinner and leaving
the dishes there, expecting her to just jump up and take care of that now,
after she’s worked hard to make the dinner.
D) But those kinds of things,
get passed on from generation to generation, but when we come to Christ, Jesus
breaks these things.
1) He wants to break these
things in our lives.
He wants to work in our lives
to the point where we are not adding to our wife’s burdens but seeking to bear them
A) We read concerning Jesus
that He took our burdens. And remember
He said,
“Come to me all you that are weary and are heavy laden. I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from
me.” He said, “For my yoke is easy, my
burden is light.”
B) Guys it shouldn’t be a massive burden for your
wife to be your wife. It should be a
delightful thing. It should be a
pleasurable thing.
1) And that will be the case
if we follow the example of Christ and we seek to relieve them of burdens
C) If we’re compassionate and
sensitive toward them. Practically Help
around house / emotionally: Know you care
/ Spiritually – Build up
D) Giving her your TIME /
ATTENTION / AFFECTION /
4th it is a love
that loves Unconditionally – Christ gave Himself for us when we didn’t have it
together – When we were sinners
A) So if we are going to love like Jesus – then our
love isn’t going to be based on their performance
B) High Standard: Need Help – I can’t do this – I
can’t love like this
C) Filled with the Holy Spirit - /
D) Abiding in the Lord – This fruit is the result
Wedding in Cana – Water
to wine – Joy and Holy Spirit
A) Pots first emptied in order to be filled
B) Emptied today : Selfishness / Pride / Misconceptions { Humble ourselves
– Jesus Help me -