1 Peter 3:7 Husbands Dwell w/ Your Wives



Intro: Here in Ch. 3 – Peter addresses the Subject of Marriage

A)SIX verses for the woman / 1 for the man – why is that? Reason? I think so !!!! – Woman more interested in spiritual things


B) Pets store : Turkey -  you are going to come home w/ books to read & study about that turkey

1)   But the Turkey – He isn’t going to come home w/ anything

          SEE THE POINT !!!!


C) Seriously – Peter gives more attention to the woman here because they in this context of suffering – had it harder

1)   Unbelieving Husbands – Peter is writing to encourage those ladies


D) Paul Opposite in Eph. 5 – main N.T. passage on marriage 9 verses on the Husband & only 3 on the wife – Again reason



In Eph. Paul Paints a Powerful Picture of what marriage is to look like it is a Picture of Christ & the Church

A)Husband is to Love his wife - ….Christ the Church – in that He gave Himself for it – Self sacrificing – leading by serving


B) So Paul gives more attention to the Husband – because 99% of the success of the marriage – depends on the man fulfilling his role

1)   Which is why – Need the Power of Spirit & Grace of God – working in our lives


C) Husbands if we are fulfilling our roles in loving our wives – serving them – like Christ – it makes it easier for them to fulfill their role

1)   They respond to us in the same way that the Church does to Jesus


D) We love Him because He first loved us / We serve out of response

Now if a Husband isn’t fulfilling his role – that doesn’t excuse the wife from hers – Which is what Peter addresses here to the wives

A)Even if husband is not obeying the word – You submit / You cultivate the hidden person the inner person


B) That He might be won – W/OUT A WORD !!!

1)   Good example of w/out a word -  When I want to talk to Him – ie complain nag, preach, - I TALK TO GOD – I PRAY


C) That helps me – conduct myself in that proper way


D) Well here in v.7 Peter moves to address the Husbands – and focuses on one aspect of Loving our wives as Christ loved Church

1)   Peter gives the Husband 3 things to consider about being a Loving




A)One commentator – put it this way – dwell w/ them according to understanding & not in FANTASY


B) Guys are good at that – they have this Fantasy of what they think the perfect wife is supposed to be like – ( Don’t live in a Fantasy world )


C) The word dwell  speaks of being completely at home!

     Word that speaks of a close comfortable relationship!

1) This speaks of a close companionship & A partnership together


D) Understanding Translated – Knowledge also – Science – Interesting

1)   Because being completely at home w/ your wife & having that Partnership together can be a REAL SCEINCE – takes practice


E) Why can this be such a CHALLENGE ?




1st We are wired differently

A)Key thing to dwelling in understanding is to realize that you and your wife are wired differently – Understand those differences


B) A woman is like a fine tuned convertible Sports Car – sleek – sensitive

1)   Power & Strength a deceptive / not totally what capable of


C) Man on the other hand is Like a MACK STRUCK -  what you see is what you get Men generally are not real sensitive – bull things over

1)   Kids get hurt – Shake it off – be tough – fall off bike – right back up – Mom -  Come here precious – mommy fix


c) Guys  Less sensitive & more Mechanical  What ever works – task oriented


D) A few weeks ago Denise & I decided to paint the trim on our house – old faded gray -  wanted to change it – so down to the paint store

1)   We agreed on the Look we were hoping for – Darker – brighter – good contrast to white stucco



Picked a color – that was fine w/ me – I would have been happy – that project would have been closer to being done – Denise didn’t like it

A)So back down to the paint store -   ( another color- Ok I am happy – like this better than the first – ( Not Denise )


B) Another paint store -  another color -  I could live w/ this - 

1)   Not Denise – finally I sent her back by herself – pick what you like


C) 50 Dollars later – she finally picked a color that she liked & I liked it better than any of the previous colors ( Looks great )

1)   Paint the door -  Ok great go pick a color – No need your help – you have to like – it – color chips – picked one ..back w/ something else


D) She was much more sensitive about – this – more particular – I just wanted something different than the gray – get project done

Big area where men & women are different –SHOPPING  / MOST Woman tend to  meander / Guys on a Mission – in out

A)If Denise goes shopping on her own – comes home w/ an outfit or two I am in trouble – What do you think


B) Now if I say – I think it looks great – she tells me everything that is wrong w/ it

1)   If I say – No I don’t like it – She gets upset – You don’t like anything that I buy


C) I am learning – Understanding – that the best thing – for me to do is to first ask – what do you think – and just agree w/ her


D) Actually what is even better is for me to go shopping w/ her

  Help her pick out things that I Like / Price I like to pay

1)   So that when she is in the dressing room – I am scooping out the clearance rack ( save a lot of money)


E) Also works to your advantage ladies – If you find something he really likes it doesn’t matter what it cost – He is going to buy it for You !!!



2nd reason why this can be difficult – in our culture is we are too busy

A)Many times in marriages – there is a lack of understanding in marriage – hinders that being at home together feel – Connection


B) Because we can get so busy in our own little world of work, ministry, friends or whatever – that we are oblivious to the needs of our spouse


Well How do we accomplish this ? – QUALITY TIME !!!!

A)Communication is Vital -  Intimate sharing


B)  Another difference w/ men & woman – Generally in the area of Communication – woman want intimacy – sense of feeling close

1)   Where as men want – Information /  HOTEL



D) Men’s & woman’s ministry – Woman can be tight after 2 wks – best Buddies w/ the ladies in their group – crave intimacy – open up

1)   Men – takes a whole yr sometimes ( Info – lets talk about the study – doctrine – how applies to men in general – not personal


Astronaut Michael Collins, speaking at a banquet,…. the average man speaks 25,000 words a day and the average woman 30,000.  Come home I've spoken my 25,000 -- and my wife hasn't started her 30,000."




So true Genuine communication is Vital

A)Communication & Intimacy is developed spending time in the Word


B) I learn the most about Denise – when she is sharing w/ me what God is teaching her in the word

1)   Intimacy – Journaling


C) Convinced guys that is the best way to know your wives – her you / better than Tennis ( lousy backhand ) Better than Hiking – Golf – movies

1)   Spending time together in the word -   


D) Dates w/ our Journals – share for hrs / Thursday – sit and talk go down to the beach –


E) Spiritual Dinner – when come to Bible study – Discuss after wards

1)   Pray together


So Quality time / time in the Word / 3rd help of H.S.

A)Eph. 5:28 husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.


Now Paul SAYS something here that is very true & interesting – that is WE LOVE OURSELVES - 

A)We know how to take care of ourselves – we are in tune w/ our Bodies

   The point that Paul is making is you need to be equally in tune w/ wife


B) What happens – when you are hungry ? Signal to the brain – FOOD

1)   Sore – Jacuzzi time / Tired – sleep


C) You know how the Nourish & Cherish your body – you need to know how the Nourish & Cherish your wife !!!


Nourish ?  To be well fed ? is that what Paul is saying - take her out to home town buffet every night ?

A)Nourish is much broader than that - it means to provide for the needs /

     To make sure that she is taken care of in every way that is possible


B)Word Cherish = To cherish = to use tender love and physical affection

       to give warmth - love, comfort, protection and security

 1) We know how to nourish & cherish our physical bodies and we are tuned into our bodies needs


C)The point Paul is making in Eph - guys you are in tune w/ your bodies - you & wife are one -need to be as  in tune w/ them!


Easier said than done – How many of you men sometimes – guess wrong in trying to figure out what your wife is thinking ?

A)Thurs. – Tired don’t want to cook – Budget – first of month – go out to eat -  Coupon for Sizzler – my wife like Sizzler


B) I couldn’t find the Coupon – Not sure I want to spend that much –Carl’s Jr.


       READY TO GO - I don’t want to go to Carl’s Jr. --  


I realized a Long time ago I need the help of the H.S. to be in tune w/ my Wife – to deal w/ the differences – DEPENDENCY Seen in Prayer Life

II. Give Honor to Your Wife

A)Honor – several meanings that apply


B)1st Respect / having  full Confidence in Your wife

1)   That is going to be seen in the fact that you value her opinion & will seek it out – in making major decisions


C) Seen in your ability to not feel like you need to Control everything – Give her freedom to make certain decisions / to take care of certain things


D)In Proverbs 31 Solomon speaks about the Virtuous wife or the noble Woman : This is not a woman who was uninvolved

1)   He portrays her as a craftsman / artisan , Business person, a farmer, manager


E) She is industrious / she is frugal, Yet generous & gracious !!!!



Listen to how Solomon describes the Husbands attitude toward this virtuous woman Prov.31:11

     Her husband has full confidence in her  and lacks nothing of value.


V.31 Give her the reward she has earned; she should be praised in public for what she has done.


A) Now does that describe your attitude  do you show full confidence in her

when she makes suggestions or shares concerns about decision / direction


A) Do You Honor her by praising her in public - 

1)   Do you honor her by focusing more on the Good things that she does & the gifts that she has or are you focused only on the negative


B) Another meaning for Honor is to – Value & to hold in High Esteem

1)   Does that Describe your feelings about your wife – Hold her in High Esteem – as a valuable gift that God has given to you

C) You know it is easy to focus on the areas where your wife is not the Prov. 31 woman instead of Praising her in the areas where she is

1) If you Praise her in the areas where – she is gifted & does well – she is going to more than likely grow in those other areas


D) Do your Kids know that – She is #1 – Or – is she always competing w/ your kids for your time & attention



Honor her as the weaker Vessel – What does that mean – Now in many areas women are much stronger than men / some – weaker

A)Again – this speaks of understanding the differences – Consider


B)1st Physical – most obvious


C) We know that many times in Scripture God describes himself as a potter and men and women as clay;

1)   and that mankind has been designed by him as clay pots made to contain him.


Second Corinthians 4:7 says, 'We have this treasure [Christ] in earthen vessels that the surpassing power may be of God and not of ourselves.'


D) Husbands are clay pots; wives are clay pots.

1)   Both are temporal, they are fragile, they will return to clay and dust again one day.


E) But while they are alive in the marriage relationship, of the two clay pots the wife is the weaker vessel. Why IS that''


Well, man has a certain hormone, called testosterone, which makes his bone structure grow larger than a woman's

A)More fiber and muscle grow around his bones than a woman's--up to 40% of his body, in fact, is muscle. (A woman's body in contrast, has 23% muscle

B) The man’s larger bone structure results in his being, on the average, about 10% bigger than a woman.

1)   Consequently on the average – men are stronger /faster / lift more/ jump

     higher / greater endurance


C) Peter’s main emphasis in talking about the weaker vessel is to refer to the Physical 

  1)  man's function was to protect woman, the weaker vessel. 


2nd Emotionally -  Woman are easily swayed by their emotions

A)More easily overwhelmed than men


B) Calendars – a month – she would just freak out – how are we going to do all that ?


B) See it a week at a time – remind her



III.Being enriched by our Wives as fellow Heirs of Grace life

A)Co- heirs -  Think in this way – suppose you inherited 10,000 dollars


B) Your wife also received an inheritance but hers was 10 million

1)   Would you want to have joint Checking account / would you want to be heirs together ?


C) What is meant by heirs of the Grace life ? Beautiful saying



Grace has two main meanings –

1st is getting what you don’t deserve –

A)It speaks of how God has blessed us despite our Performance


B) Given us Grace – blessing acceptance in Christ – even though we are sinners & continue to fall short


C) Now that is how we want to be treated – we want our wives & others to be gracious to us / patient w/ our short comings / forgiving

1)   Is that how we treat them ?



I bought my mother a CD player for Mother’s day – in fact I bought her two & gave her the opportunity to Choose

A)She Choose & I lost the Receipts – put in a secret place – so secret I can’t remember where it is !!!


B) One to take back – but all I can get w/out the receipt is in Store Credit

1)   Here is what my wife – said to me: I am so glad that you are the one who did that –If I would have done that – You would have been ticked


C) She is right – If it was her – I probably would have been giving her a Lecture on being Responsible - 

1)   But me – It is ok – I am sure – there is stuff we can buy at Walmart over the next – few months


D) We love Grace – we love for others to be patient & forgiving w/ us – are we that way w/ them? ESPECIALLY AT HOME

1)   It starts when I begins to understand the Grace that God has shown & continues to show to me !!! ( Forgive because …been forgiven so much



But Grace also – speaks of How we have been Blessed

A)GRACE – God’s riches or resources at Christ expense


B) Guys your wife is a recipient of that Grace – She Has been blessed by the Lord – w/ Talents , w/ spiritual gifts – just as much as You


C) Be a Co-heir w/ her in the grace life – be enriched by your wife – by allowing her to use those gifts & abilities to better your family

1)   Stop focusing on where you are different as negative thing – start seeing it as a positive – because – generally –where you are weak – she strong

E)God has so blessed her- When you are supporting & encouraging each other in those things – You are Joint recipients of the fruit !!



Prayers hindered: why is that ?

A)The Lord isn’t saying that if you are failing in your role –He is not going to hear your prayers


B) But as you come to pray – you know things are not right – there is an apprehension – in approaching God

1)   Because He is a gracious father – loves you & wants what is best for you

       CONVICTION – whispers – surrender – deal w/ this



Now maybe you are a guy thinking – This makes sense – I realize I am not Honoring & Cherishing – Not Dwelling w/ Understanding

A)Here is the temptation –Easy to say – I will get this right – when this project is over / when I achieve such & such a goal


B) Listen it doesn’t work that way - : The opportunity to be a loving Husband is right here today – no guarantee tomorrow

1)   Longer you wait – Hole gets deeper – can’t get out – Lost yrs –never regained



  1) Ask Him for a fresh feeling of the Spirit -  Dependency