1 Cor. 7:1-9 Sex, Celibacy
& Singleness
Intro: Up to
this point, in our study Paul has been dealing with the sins reported to be
known in the Corinthian congregation.
A) But Here in Ch. 7 Paul
switches gears a bit and directs his attention toward some questions that they
had written to him: several subjects.
B) marriage & Singleness (1
Cor. 7:), food offered to idols (1 Cor. 8-10), spiritual gifts (1 Cor. 12:),
the resurrection of the dead (1 Cor. 15:),
1) and the missionary offering
for the Jews (1 Cor. 16:).
C) Tonight begin looking at the
subject of Sex, marriage, singleness & Celibacy!
D) As we study 1 Corinthians 7,
it is important to keep in mind that Paul is replying to definite questions
here that were asked of him.
1) 1 Cor. 7 is not meant to be
a complete “theology of marriage” in one
chapter. But it is meant to
compliment - the rest of scripture
E) We will focus on The first
part of this Ch. tonight which deals w/ Sex, Celibacy & Singleness.
Some people
get a little uncomfortable about this subject being discussed in Church.
A) Part of that is because our
culture has affected us to view sex as something that is dirty
B) The other reason is that
there is a certain intimacy & privacy that goes along w/ this subject.
C) But because the Bible deals
w/ it - we shouldn’t shy away from it especially since we desire to give the
whole counsel of the word.
1)And
also because many of the problems in marriage have to do w/
this issue right here!!!
D) Now we have noted in our study of 1 Cor. That
Corinth was a very sexually immoral place - marriage was practiced but not
sacred!
1) Divorce was common & It
was possible for men & women to have
been married
20 times or more.
E) An active and vocal feminist movement had also developed.
1) Some wives competed with
their husbands in business and even in feats of physical strength.
F) Many were not interested in
being housewives and mothers, and by the end of the first century childless
marriages were common.
1)Both men and women were determined to live their
own lives,
regardless of
marriage vows or commitments.
As a result of The Corinthian Church had people in it who
had had multiple marriages and divorces on one hand
A) And on the other hand there
were believers had gotten the idea that
being
single and celibate was more spiritual than
being married,
1) and they disregarded marriage entirely.
B)
There is also an indication that some
were teaching that sex was “unspiritual” and should be altogether forsaken -
even in marriage.
1)Kind of a extreme reaction to the sexual
immorality going on in their city
D) All of this made for a
situation that was difficult and perplexing even for mature Christians &
for immature Christians it was
especially confusing.
1) So Paul
deals w/ these issues here in Ch.7
7:1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote
to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his
own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.
Now Paul begins here by
putting his stamp of approval on singleness & Celibacy
A) The phrase to
touch a woman was a common Jewish euphemism for sexual intercourse Used
this way in Gen. 20:6/ Prov. 6;29 / Ruth 2:9
B) Paul uses it to state that
it is a good thing for Christians not to have sexual intercourse, another way
of saying good, to be single, unmarried.
C) Understand Paul does not
say, that singleness is the only good
condition or that marriage is in any way wrong or inferior to singleness.
1)What he is saying is that singleness, as
long as it is celibate, can be good.
D) But he goes on to say that there can be a problem -
1) See God has built into us as human being sex
drive & w/ that sex
drive
can come temptations for those who are single
d) especially for those living in such a
sexually oriented society like Cor.
E) So For that reason Paul says, let each man
have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.
1) Now we must not interpret
this to mean that Paul is saying that marriage is to be viewed as God’s escape valve for the sex drive.
F) Paul is not suggesting that Christians go out and find another Christian to marry only
to keep from getting into sexual sin.
1) He had a much higher view of
marriage than that (seen in Eph.
5:22–23 Marriage series )
His purpose here is to stress
the reality of the sexual temptations of singleness & to acknowledge that
they have a legitimate outlet in marriage.
A) Scripture gives numerous
reasons for marriage beside sexual fulfillment
B) marriage is for procreation. God commanded Adam and Eve
to “be fruitful and multiply” (Gen. 1:28).
1) God intends for mankind to
reproduce itself.
C) Marriage is also for pleasure. Proverbs speaks of a man’s
being “exhilarated always” with the wife of his youth (5:18–19),
1) and the Song of Solomon
centers around the physical attractions and pleasures of marital love.
D) Marriage is a partnership. Woman was created for man
to be “a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18). Speaks of Friendship
E)Marriage
is a picture of Christ & the
church.
F) And marriage is for purity. It protects from sexual immorality by meeting
the need for physical fulfillment.
At this point Paul begins to
discuss the sexual relationship between a Husband & a wife 3 Let the husband render to his
wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
Notice things here
1st Marriage is a
place where affection is to abound
A) Affection is to be a vital
part of every marriage & part of that affection is what takes place in the
sexual relationships
The 2nd thing
that we need to see is the sexual relationship involves a mutual giving &
seeking to bless / enrich / satisfy our spouse.
A) We see this in the wording
that Paul uses here that the sexual
relationship
is a matter of giving & not taking or
receiving .
1) Paul says to the men - Render or give to your wife the affection
that is due her.
B) In other words the man is
not to view the sexual relationship as a way to
get his sexual needs met - but to meet
that need in his wife.
C)
One of the main things that Jesus taught was that we are to put others first
If
you attempt to save your life you will lose it
This principle applies to
every area of our Christian life & especially in the marriage relationship & in the area of sex in marriage.
A) if you try to meet your own need, if you put that first in your life –
if you say "I am going to have
my needs met" You are missing it !!
B) Not only will you not be
satisfied but you will be unfulfilled in this area
1) Instead of finding
fulfillment you will find emptiness,.
C) The only way to find your
needs met and yourself fulfilled is to fulfill another's needs. Give your life away, Jesus said, and you
will find it
1) This is a Principle for the Christian life That is what sex is all
about.
D) It is designed not to have
your needs met, but to meet the needs of your spouse . ( Society has it all back words )
1) In order to bless your wife
or husband you are going to need to talk & communicate w/ each other ( Likes & dislikes)
E) Paul is describing a
relationship where both people are taking the initiative - where both are
desire to bless each other w/ this gift
F) And In the process of
devoting yourself to the enjoyment of your mate you find your own needs met.
That is what is meant by Verse 4,
1) The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband
does. likewise the husband does not
have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
This is not saying that you
are slaves of one another. It is saying that the power to give true fulfillment
to your mate lies with you. / you alone!
A) He or she cannot fulfill
himself or herself in this area. It is impossible.
B)God
made us with that quality of needing someone else to fulfill us
sexually.
C) Sex w/ in the marriage is
another aspect where by we learn the importance of dying to self - for the goal
of serving another.
1) Sex outside of marriage is
the ultimate act of serving self & it is the defilement of ones temple
& God’s plan.
Heb.
13:4 4
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators
and adulterers God will judge.
D) It is only w/ in the
parameters of the marriage bed & relationship that this
aspect of God’s design can be truly
fulfilled.
1) experience that oneness that
God ordained - for marriage uniting of the spirit / emotions / the soul - in
accordance w/ God’s design
For that reason Paul says 5 Do not deprive one another in this area
A) This can be such a big
problem - however - sex becomes the great bartering tool to get our own way /
B) So wrong. It is Failure to live for the Lord. it an act
of selfishness & not the selfless kind of love that God
intends us to exemplify in our Christian lives & especially in our marriages
Now Is there ever a place
for Celibacy in marriage - Answer is yes - but Paul gives specific guidelines
v.5
1st purpose - that you may
give yourselves to fasting and prayer;
A) Form of fasting - for the
purpose of seeking the Lord.
B)
2ndly it has to be mutual except with
consent for a time
C) 3rd it shouldn’t
be long - so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
TEMPTATION : Different between men & women.
A Survey why men & women enter into adultery / Reasons were different.
A)Most men - Passion of it .
attempt to experience some sexual
fulfillment / fulfill sexual fantasy
/ ( Lust Oriented )
B) Women it was different 10% said
looking for love / 10% looking for lust/ rest saying looking for
the thrill of Romance.
1) Tells us that men & women are very
different & what women are looking for Romance
C) Most men our visually oriented - Lingerie for women.
D) Women Romance - talk /
cuddle / be romanced
So Paul explains why the
sexual relationship is so important in the marriage -
Then he goes back to
discussing the benefits of being single/ Celibate
6 But I say this as a concession,( Awareness) in other words I am saying this to make you aware not as a commandment that everyone should
get married
7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has
his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.
Now this brings us to an
interesting question was Paul ever married ?
A) Many scholars think so
because - Paul was a member of the Sanhedrin prior to his conversion - marriage
was requirement
B)And
Rom. 16:13 seems to indicate that
Rufus’s mother was quite possibly
Paul’s mother in law.
1) If that is the case - What
happened to Paul’s wife
C) Two theories : One is that Paul was a
widower - 2nd was that Paul’s wife
divorced him when he was converted .
1) So it seems that something
happened / either death or divorce & Paul chose to remain single in order
to more effectively serve the Lord.
D)
Paul wished there were more like him.
He knew that the harvest was ripe
& the laborers were few ! - Needed more people who could devote themselves
entirely to the Lord’s work
E) Something that is impossible
for those who are married / Paul
discusses the benefits of being single in serving the Lord in v. 32,33
32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for
the things of the Lord; how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is
married cares about the things of the world; how he may please his wife.
F) Singleness provides you w/ a
unique opportunity to serve the Lord
EXAMPLE
Anna
A) Anna was a prophetess who
was a widow. She had only been married for seven yrs. & since people in
that culture married young
1) She probably became a widow at a young age.
B) And having gone through a tragedy like that she
could have become bitter - but instead of becoming bitter she became better
& blessed.
1) Rather than becoming old,
fatigued & frustrated she kept about her a vitality & a spirituality
about her.
C) And she ended up being
blessed w/ the opportunity to see the Messiah
Why was this woman so special ? Luke gives us some
hints Some insights into some things she made priorities in her life.
1st
after her husband died we read that she gave herself to fasting & prayer
night & day in the temple.
A) She didn’t give into the
temptation to get caught up in self pity.
B) Nor did she result in
turning to worldliness.
1) She wasn’t hanging out at
the Jerusalem Disco - she wasn’t a member of the Jerusalem singles club.
C) But She gave herself whole
heartily to the Lord! Prayer &
Fasting
1) There was now a void in her
life & she turned to the Lord to fill that void & not to man.
D) She just sought the Lord & served the Lord .
Isaiah 54:5 "For your Maker is your
husband--the Lord Almighty is his name." It seems that Anna was
content to live in that reality
E) She gave herself
wholeheartedly to the Lord - great advantage in serving the
Lord for
single people. ( Less distractions )
2nd
thing we see about Anna is she Looked for
the Lord . Anna was waiting &
watching Looking for Messiah.
A) She wasn’t looking for a new
mate - she was looking for the Lord - his will / His purpose / His coming.
B) SO Paul & Anna are good examples
Another thing to note here
in v. 7 is that Paul is indicating that Celibacy is a gift
A)
Jesus taught the same thing in speaking about Eunuchs in Matt. 19
So Paul points out is that celibacy is a gift !!!! Not for everyone
So Paul continues in v. 8
8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them
if they remain even as I am;
9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it
is better to marry than to burn with passion.
The
unmarried and widows are two categories
of single people mentioned here, but there is a third category of single people
(“virgins”) indicated in verse 25.
A) Understanding the
distinctions in regard to these three groups is essential. “Virgins” clearly
refers to single people who have never been married.
B) Widows
are single people who formerly were married who became single by the death of the spouse.
1) That
leaves the matter of the unmarried.
Who are they?
C) The term unmarried is used only four times in
the New Testament, and all four are in this chapter.
D) Verse 32 uses it in a way
that gives little hint as to its specific meaning;
it simply refers to a person who is not
married.
E) But Verse 34 uses it more
definitively: when Paul refers to “the
woman who is unmarried, and the virgin.”
1) It seems that Paul has two distinct groups in mind: so whoever the unmarried are, they are not
virgins.
F) Verse 8 speaks of “the
unmarried and the widows,” so we can conclude that the “unmarried” are not widows.
G) The clearest insight comes
in the use of the term in verses 10 and 11: “the
wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, let her remain
unmarried. …).”
So The term unmarried
indicates those who were previously married, but are not widows; people who are
now single, but are not virgins.
A)
The unmarried woman, therefore, is a
divorced woman.
B) Paul is speaking to people
who were divorced before coming to Christ. They wanted to know if they had the
right to marry.
1) His word to them is that it is good for them who are now free of
marriage to remain even as I. ( Divorced )
C) But if they couldn’t deal w/
the pressure of sexual temptation Paul says it would be better for them to
marry again than to burn w/ lust .
Now v. 9 is
one of the most often misquoted verses in the Bible - misquoted out of context
too often.
A) This scripture has been
greatly misunderstood to mean that if you are involved in a relationship w/
someone and you are having trouble staying pure sexually that you should just
get married for it is better to marry than to burn.
B) Guys that is not what Paul is saying here at All!!!!! Wrong for several reasons
1st
it is a contradiction to what Paul taught in 1 Thess. 4 : TURN
3 For
this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from
sexual immorality; 4 that each of you
should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles
who do not know God; 6 that no one should take advantage of and
defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all
such, as we also forewarned you and testified.
7 For God did not call us to uncleanness, but
in holiness.
HERE Paul is
teaching that God has called us to live holy lives in the area of sexual
immorality
A) That each person is to
exercise self control in abstaining from sexual immorality
B) Ken - No 7-11 or mini
markets
C) That we are to Know how to posses our own vessel in
Sanctification & honor - not in passion & lust like the unbelievers
1) And we are to know how to
treat each other in a pure way - not taking advantage of someone in this way.
ANOTHER REASON
WHY THAT INTERPETAION IS WRONG IS THAT ALTHOUGH SEX IS IMPORTANT IT IS NOT THE
FOCUS
A) Marriage series - 4 things
seen indirectly throughout passage in Eph. As being successful to a healthy
marriage
B) 1st
Foundation- Christ - centers around
Him
2nd
- Communication / 3rd self
sacrificing Love / 4th Power
C) When sex is the focus in
getting married - these 4 things are missing
1) Christ is not the foundation
D) Communication is not
happening / couples in get involved sexually before marriage usually have
communication problems
1) Because time that should
have been spent building communication & learning about each other was
taken up by the physical relationship
There is no
self-sacrificing love going on - instead lust is the focus
A) Self sacrificing love says I
won’t do this / I won’t go there because I love you and I do not want to hurt
your walk w/ Jesus / by defiling your temple
B) For that reason I am going
to exercise self control -
C) But sex before marriage is
purely a selfish love - seeking to fulfill my needs and wants
D) And there is no walking in
the Spirit present - only a fulfilling of the desires of the flesh!!!!
3rd
REASON THAT IS CLEARLY NOT WHAT PAUL MENT IS THE CONTEXT ITSELF
A) Paul is speaking to those who
are divorced & saying it would be better for you to just remain like me - & serve
the Lord
B) But if you cannot do that - if that is too hard & you don’t have
that gift than by all means start praying for a spouse
1) For it would be much better
to marry than to burn. - be frustrated
CLOSING NOTES - 1st married / then to
single
It is clear as you look at this passage,
where Paul has dealt so frankly with these matters, that the essence of marital
happiness, sexually, is made up of three ingredients:
1.First,
of ALL love to God. The body is
made for the Lord. We learned that last week, and,
A) therefore, what the Lord
wants you to do with your body should be all-compelling. It should govern what your decisions are.
B) The second ingredient in sexual happiness is a discipline of self &
a dying of self
1) that is seen a
willingness to put your own needs second to those of your spouse in this area,
C) 3rd
ingredient, is mutual respect for one
another. A good marriage, has a husband and wife giving gifts to one another to show affection
1) That is a way of saying
to your mate, "I'm thinking of you. You are important to me. I love you."
D) The greatest gift along that line is sex if it is
given with that same spirit of joy and thanksgiving and gratitude and
willingness to give pleasure
So Love to God, discipline for self, and a mutual
respect for one another. This constitutes two lives learning to unite in
the Lord.
Now to those who are single
A)
Deciding about marriage obviously is more difficult for the person who has
strong sexual desires but who has no immediate prospect for a spouse
B) But It is never God’s will for Christians to
marry unbelievers (2 Cor. 6:14),
1) but neither is it right just
to marry the first believer who shows any interest - we should be careful.
There are several things
that Christians in this dilemma ought to do.
A) First, they need to seek the
Lord - Adam - sleep /
B) seek the Lord and let Him
work in your life understanding that the best way to find the right person is to be
the right person.
C) If believers are right with
God and it is His will for them to be married He
will send the right person—and never too
late.
2nd until the fight person is found, our energy
should be redirected in ways that will be the most helpful in keeping our minds
off the temptation.
A) Two of the best ways are
spiritual service and physical activity.
B)
Note Paul’s instruction in Philippians:
“Whatever is true, whatever is honorable,
whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good
repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your
mind dwell on these things” (4:8).
C) 3rd we should realize that, until God gives us
the right person, He will provide strength to resist temptation.
“God is faithful, who will
not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation
will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Cor.
10:13),