Ephesians 5:22-24

Building A Solid Marriage Part 6 - A Word to the Wives



Intro: Continue series – Marriage – Week six – Finally ready  to consider the Role of the wife.

A) God ordained marriage – Adam’s Aloneness – Not good [ Interesting in light of Adam’s relationship with God ] Adam asleep -  made Eve /


B) Adam wakes up – Bone of my Bone & Flesh of my flesh- WOW - It was there that God ordained and sanctioned Marriage

1) This incredible Union between a man and a Woman


C) It probably wasn’t long after the fall / when the earth started to become Populated that the debate began – continued to this day

1) What Debate am I referring to ? WHY DID God create Eve ? Differing opinions – Here is what One women’s group said  


# 7. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because He knew men would never ask for directions.
# 6. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote because men don't want to see what is on TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on TV.
# 5. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appt for himself.
 # 4. God knew that if the world was to be populated there would have to someone to bear children because men would never be able to handle it.
 # 3. As Keeper of the Garden Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
#  2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone", he only ends up getting himself in trouble.            And the NUMBER ONE reason...
#1. When God finished the creation of Adam he stepped back, scratched his head and said,
"I can do better than that."

Read v.18-24

Today we are going to consider that all too popular subject of Submission

A) Subject that can get a Preacher in trouble


B) Lewis T. Talbot - preaching in L.A. in late 40's - church of the Open Door- "the mega church of the day"

1) Talbot was a short & little man - but a fiery preacher – he was preaching on this passage - wives submit to husbands

C) When done - he was  approached large woman/  flower dress, hat & large    

        purse     Dr. Talbot that message was disgusting

       1.) / You have a lot of nerve telling us  wives submit to.. if you were

             my  husband - put poison in your tea tomorrow


D)  Lewis T. Talbot looked at the woman / serious look on his face &        

       answered / If I were your  husband I would  drink it

E) It is true that this particular passage - principle causes a lot of  

       problems in our  culture! 

  1) The  confusion ranges from IGNORING on side of women and an    ABUSING on  the side of the men! 

Hopefully today we can clear up some of the confusion on this subject and take away some of the negative connotations involved with Submission

A) Consider 3 things  – 1st What does the word submission mean?

 2nd Why does the Lord call a wife to submit / 3rd When is she to submit ?



1) The Word "submit" means to place yourself under someone else!

                    It is used in several places in the word !


B) It is used of Jesus in LK. 2:51 Subject to Mary & Joseph as a Kid

      Really  He was above them but He submitted to them.

1)  In Titus 1 / Rom. 13 it is used of being submitted to Governing authorities


C) We know that one day we are going to rule the world w/ Christ - yet presently we are to live in submission to the authorities placed over us


D) In 1 Pet. 2 it is used of employees being submitted to their employers

1) In 1 Peter 3:22 / Lk 10 :17 It is used of Demonic spirits being submitted to Jesus


E) And of course there is this passage here in Ephesians – mentioned else where of the wife submitting to her Husband.


Now an important observation emerges from the uses of the idea of submission from these passages 

A) It is obvious that some submission is forced – while others are voluntary – Demons to Jesus is Forced – Made to submit


B) Jesus to his Parents – Was Voluntary – The Jews in Jesus day were made to submit – Under an Oppressive Govt

1) But because Jesus loves the Church He gives us the Choice to Submit


C) A wife’s submission to her Husband is to reflect the Churches submission to Jesus - Chosen & Voluntary

1) Paul in essence is saying that  wives are to submit to (literally "arrange their lives under their husbands in the same way all of us should arrange our lives under the Lord.


A beautiful picture of this is found in 1 Chron. 29:24 – when David appoints his Young son Solomon as King in his place

A) ON that day – we read that all of the officers and the mighty men pledged their submission [ gave their allegiance ] to King Solomon


B) Even though he was young and un proven – they voluntarily devoted their strength to David’s Son because of their Love for David

1) And their willingness to trust Solomon as the Lord’s Anointed and Chosen



C) That is exactly what God is asking a wife to do – To voluntarily devote their strength and gifts to their Husband – as God’s Chosen

1) To come along side of their Husbands because of their Love for the Lord and their trust in His perfect plan


D) The Submission spoken of here speaks of the desire of a wife to come along side of her husband in a Supportive role –

1) Being there to help him fulfill his God given responsibilities to lead the family in the ways of the Lord


Now some of the guys are thinking – I like that analogy Pastor Rob – King Solomon – King George – Yea –

A) The analogy is meant to magnify the heart of David’s officers and mighty men – to voluntarily align themselves to an unproven / unqualified choice


B) Listen men : You are not called to be the King in your home – by any stretch – Role of Jesus you are called to be the Servant – Like Jesus

1) Show your love – by Sacrifice – Men hold the Key – we love Jesus and Submit to Jesus because of His perfect & complete Love for us


C) And when a husband is consistently seeking to Love his wife & family in that way –

1) The wife will be more naturally prone to submit and support her husband




A) Consider a couple of  reasons: The first being –To form a Picture:


B) Because from the very beginning – God wanted the marriage relationship to be a Picture of Christ and his relationship to the Church 1) So the husband was placed in the position to be the head of the family not because he was smarter / more spiritual / or better made


C) But simply because that was God’s design { Fulfill a Picture


Now That picture was distorted by Adam & Eve  when Satan entered the garden &  twisted the roles/  reversed roles of Husband & Wife

A)See When Eve- ate the forbidden fruit she was acting independently from

      Adam & then she tried to lead Adam by getting him to eat.


B) Adam blew it by leaving his wife uncovered and then followed her in sin

1) So there was a perversion of God’s plan & And the Perversion of that plan has been a problem ever since.


C) Part of the curse: God said of Eve in her flesh – her desire would be to rule over her Husband – Not submit to him but run his life

1) But originally – God was forming a Picture that latter on would speak to us of His Sons love for the Church – Willingness to serve & Sacrifice for her



A 2nd Reason had to do with God’s order

A)When God made Adam and Eve - He made them in complete unity. Looked at them as one! Adam


B) And Together they were given dominion over the creation to fill the earth and subdue it.


B) God didn’t say to Adam now you have this Job to take care of this place where I have placed you. and this woman is going to be your slave -

1)  Gen. 1:28 say 28  Then God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it


C) There was an EQUALITY between the man & the woman - but listen it was an was ordered equality   WHAT MEAN?

D) See in the very beginning man was given headship over his wife - not as an order of authority - / but as an OPERATION of authority /

1) Now women don’t like to here that – But that for some reason was God’s design – Women need to accept it – Understand the Ramifications


See really it is a matter of responsibility !

A) The Lord ultimately places the responsibility to lead the family on the  

      Shoulders of the  husband / Guys we are Accountable for what’ve given


B) So God places the Husband as the head / as the leader / not because he is

        smarter or more spiritual / BUT because that is the Lord’s design.

1)  And a Wife is to place herself  under the headship & leadership of the husband allowing  Him to lead! / Her role is to be Submitted & Supportive


C)  In doing so the wife is participating in the growth of her Husband – she is allowing the Lord to do a work in His life / as well as Hers


D) So It is a  matter of operation!   An ordered equality - that God has set in

 place !

1)And if that order gets messed up everything can get thrown out of wack ! There can’t be 2 heads !   Two heads make a MONSTER 


Now why do I keep using that word – Support – along with Submission ?

A) Answer in the Biblical description of Submission it is applied – Women need to realize this


B) A lot of Christian women are submissive – but they are not supportive – little girl – parents sit down – finally does – Sitting on the outside / standing on the inside


C) That is the attitude sometimes of the Christian wife – Submit on the outside- but on the inside she is not supportive

1) Problem is most of the time we can sense that ladies – And it doesn’t help either every time your husband makes a wrong decision – thrown in his face



Now you may not like that & we may not understand why God set it up that way  – but the reality is / That doesn’t matter – It is what God says

A) He Desires that just like in everything else –we trust that He knows what He is doing { This operation of his authority –

B) We might not ever understand the full ramifications of this set up until we get to heaven – But He doesn’t ask you to understand it – walk in it


C) Easy for you to say Pastor Rob you are a man –

1) Understand this: The Bible has always elevated women – In Bible days this was the sentiment of a wife for in that culture


D) We have Prostitutes for Pleasure / Concubines for cohabitation / and wives for bearing Children – { That was the popular sentiment grks & Romans

1) Paul comes on the seen says – No – One wife and she is to be your treasure You are to serve her – love her – give yourself for her


E) Women you are to Respect / submit to and be supportive of your Husband


But a lot of Christian women just don’t like that whole idea: Site Many reason why wrong/  When a woman feels that way – here is the implication:

A) What you are saying in essence is Lord  I don't trust you- I really don’t think that you got this one right


B)  It really boils down to God's will vs. your will - which will you choose!


C) If not submitting it is just an indication that your heart is not where it is

      supposed to be w/ Jesus!

D) In the same way it is foolish for a man to think that his relationship to the Lord  is fine when his relationship to with his wife is not

1) So too it is foolish for a wife to think that she is ok with the Lord when she is not in submission to her husband.


E) The two go together – Any problem that she has with this whole issue is really a mark of rebellion against the Lord

1) That may seem harsh – but it is true – no getting around it


So we consider What Submission means / And Why God says ……..


Finally Consider when is a Wife called to Submit to her Husband?

24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

A) SO according to what Paul is saying here in v.24 – A wife cannot pick and Choose when she is going to submit


B) However in Col 3:18 Paul gives us further insight { Acception –

Col. 3:18   Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.


C) as is fitting in the Lord. - AGGREEMENT W/ THE LORD !!



D) SO Anything that goes against Scripture ……[heard about Weird things] or Anytime your personal safety is in danger

1) God doesn't call you to be a punching bag- Get out of there as fast as you can !!!!


E) So if your husband is asking you to do things that go against God’s revealed will – Don’t need to submit to that AT ALL!!!


But What do I do when my husband is making a decision that I don’t agree with ?

A.) Wives realize - you have a place to give input - to question, but then you need to support your Husbands  decision


B) So  If your husband  comes home and says - selling house - Harley’s travel country/- ask prayed? / get some Counsel?

     1.) If that is what you think Lord is saying – ok realizing that if he makes the wrong decision - he has to answer to Lord'


C)  Then You need to pray &  to trust - the Lord that he will take care of you - protect you! / bring your husband to his senses !  But submit to husband !

1) Understanding – Before you are his Wife / God’s Daughter



Now Guys it would do you well to realize that God has placed your wife in your life for a reason – She has wisdom / insight – from the Lord

A) You are a wise Husband if you understand that she is your partner and you need to consider her opinion & insight


B) Proverbs 19:14 Houses and wealth are inherited from parents,

          but a wise wife is a gift from the LORD. NCV


C) Denise & I are very diff.   In the sense that I tend to move slower & take my time in making Decisions / she is much more spontaneous

1) But she has learned to (love  /like ) that I am this way/   because she knows I appreciate her input & that I am going to really seek the Lord


D) So she has learned to wait & seek the Lord w/ me that we might hear!


But I realize that God brought us together to build up / enhance strengthen

A) My  wife is there to help me  see things in perspective_.


B) She might have a diff. perspective - but it might be exactly what I need to

   see & hear.


C) Sometimes your wife can get you to see things no one else can !

She can say things to me that no one else can !

  Young preacher shaving - breakfast / concentrating on sermon: "concentrate on shaving cut your sermon"


D) Only wife could say something like that! Really honest -placed us there for that purpose (Listen to her!)


What if my Husband is not walking with the Lord ? Even harder but listen to what Peter says : 1 Peter 3:1


1 Peter 3:1-2 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, [Unbeliever or a believer who is not walking]  they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear

A) You submit in those things that are fitting in the Lord – let your conduct be the thing that wins him to Christ –


B) My Husband doesn’t want me to come to Church? What do?

Heb 10:25 Do not forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.


In Closing I want to give you ladies 6 reasons why you should embrace God’s plan for you to submit to your Husbands

REASON #1 – It is pleasing to God : You are fulfilling God’s desire for your life – that should be our #1 goal .


Prov 18: 22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.


NLT Proverbs 18:22   22The man who finds a wife finds a treasure and receives favor from the LORD.


REASON #2 Submission communicates your love to your Husband

A) It is a great feeling when a man Knows that He has his wife’s support


REASON #3 You are allowing yourself to be a willing helper for your husband which allows him to better fulfill his calling from the Lord. 

Prove 12:4          An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,

          But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.


REASON #4 You are placing your husband in a position where he can be further molded and shaped by the Lord

A) Some women stunt the spiritual growth of their husbands by refusing to allow him to lead or by following his leadership { TV …….

REASON # 5 By doing so a wife actually is showing that she respects her Husband. V 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

A) Submission is actually and attitude of respect first for the Lord and then for one’s husband


B) A wife who respects her Husband affirms his strengths – she actually becomes an oasis where he can flourish


C) Respect also means that she helps him manage his weaknesses – she would rather support than expose them


D) A woman who truly respects her Husband will in essence respect herself – She will strive to develop her gifts so that she can become the helper that God intended her to be & that her husband needs her to be !


REASON #6 By submitting to her husband she becomes a picture to her Children and those around her of the Church submitted to Jesus