Ephesians 5:25-30

God’s Model for Man


INTRO: A psychologist, a structural engineer/ & a theologian went on a hunting trip up into the Yukon territory/  male bonding trip.


A) They are out there hunting in the Yukon/ blizzard / snow all around see a little cabin - they decide to go & check it out get a little warmed up: -

1)  knock on the door - no one answered so they went on in! 


B) When  they get inside they are surprised by what they see!

1)  In the cabin is this old cast iron stove mounted up by the ceiling -

            hung up there by all these wires.

The psychologist says - wow heavy - look at that stove. This guy must be in great need of going back to his pre-birth state - finding the warmth of the womb, By laying under this stove in the fetal position he gets the warmth he needs ….. he continues to postulate and hypothesize

when the structural engineer interrupts him and says - no,no,no - He wasn't trying to go back to the womb by laying under there - that's  not it - no he is brilliant and he has found a new way to  distribute the hot air more evenly, freely, easily - this  trapper who lives here must be a genius -

No,no,no said the theologian... don't you understand the theologian said that in every culture and throughout history man has had their altar in which fire was lifted up and exalted & that stove up there is his altar- this is his place of worship

So They are there arguing when the old guy shows up - says what you doing - so they mention the stove and start going into their theories - old guy says - nope. I had: a lot of wire and not much stove Pipe !



Now  what those 3 men were doing over that stove people continue to do over the subject of marriage /    hypothesize, theorize, philosophize –

A) But when it comes down to it - a successful marriage must stand on & be

      based on the Word  of God /

B) And what God has laid out in scripture concerning marriage is  profoundly simple / yet simply profound. God says this is how it works  

V.25 Husbands love your… wives as Christ Loved the Church…..for her


C) Guys: your marriage will be all that you desire it to be & more if you allow the Lord to work that principle into your life

1) To love your wife as Christ loved the Church – [Sculptures or sand dunes]


Noted last time word love is AGAPE – GOD’S LOVE – puts marriage on the Highest plane – God’s love for us

A) A love that led Him to offer up His Son as a Sacrifice for our sins – Same love that led Jesus to willingly go to the Cross for us


B) That is the picture – Guys the Lord says – I want the love that you have for your wife to reflect the love that I have for you – love that led me to give myself for you { Sacrificial love


C) Noted last time 4 ways that love is seen in the marriage relationship

1) A love that makes my wife my Priority { Jesus made redemption …..

2) A love that inspires me to want to SERVE my wife – rather than be served by her. { Jesus served his disciples – continues to serve us – High Priest

3) A love that makes me want to relieve her burden – instead of adding to it

4) A love that loves Unconditionally – A love that is not based upon or measured by her performance .


D) That is how Jesus loves us – and calls us to love our wives


Now some men might argue but Pastor Rob – You don’t know my wife she is difficult / hard to live with / at times even rebellious –

                           Notice the following verses   v.26 -27

26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish

A) Now what this is telling us is that when Jesus Choose to love us – we didn’t have it altogether – Spotted and blemished


B) We still don’t have it altogether – we don’t always submit to Him – and yet He still loves us Unconditionally

1) He is committed to working in us as His Bride that we would be sanctified and purified – thru the washing of the word / ministry of HS


C) Jesus wants to do that in the marriage as well – Use each individual in the marriage in the building up of the other

1) Not to play the HS but to be an instrument of the HS – starts with how we love – each other – Men are to take the Lead


So Today we are continuing on the theme of Loving our wives – but now we see where the Lord switches the analogy –

- 28  So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

30  For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.


A) Now  Here in these verses Paul is expands HIS picture

1) Up to this pt. in his picture he has focused on the church as being the bride of Christ .


B)     The husbands love for his wife is to model that of Christ & his church.

1)  But here he changes the picture a bit keying in on the oneness of

     Christ & his church w/ the husband & the wife!


C)The bible  teaches us that we are not just the bride of CHRIST/    but WE are also the body . ( He is the head)

1) In marriage my wife is not only my Bride – She is a Part of ME!!!!

D)     There is a radical unity that is found in our relationship to Him!

           It is this picture Paul draws our attention to at this Pt.:

1)  Like Christ is one w/ His body the Church we are told in      Gen. 2 

     there is a oneness in marriage  " the two have become one flesh!" 


E) Just like the church is the body of Christ - and He cares for us so too you

     need to love & care for your wife  like your own body!



Now Paul is saying something here that we really don’t like to hear. That is that we love ourselves

A) Psychologist tell us that one of the leading problems w/ people        today is a low self esteem!


B) They say  People need to learn to love themselves before they can effectively love others  / Not what bible says


C)     In fact the Bible suggest that the real problem isn't that we don't love ourselves but that we love ourselves too much!

1) Self absorbed / EX.  Group picture / who do you look for  1st !


D) I am always on my mind – Guess what: You are  always on your mind

1) Paul is hitting on that fact here : We love &  take care of ourselves – that is  human nature – not condemning that here – stating a Fact


Now sometimes that becomes a problem because we love ourselves more than we love God / more than we love others

A) Often times a major problem in marriage is selfishness – one or both people so concerned about their needs


B) That is the mindset that Jesus wants to Change in us: to the husband the Lord says – I want you to take care of your wife / the way you do …body

1) For a man doesn’t hate his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it,


C) Those two words are enlightening:

The Word Nourish means to care for, build up – idea of bringing something to maturity

A) SO a Husband should treat his wife in a way that will build her up strengthen her / help her attain her full potential in Christ


B) Your wife has a role in God’s kingdom / his plan – We need to recognize that

1) we need to be sensitive to help cultivate and develop that and to bring that plan of God to full fruition in the life of our wives.


C) Word Cherish  = to use tender love and physical affection, to give warmth - love, comfort, protection and security


D) The two go together when it comes to marriage – Love my wife like Christ loves His Body the Church – I will seek to build her up & Protect her.

1) Lets consider some ways that we are to do that.


1st Way that a Husband can build up and Protect his wife is by seeking to take care of her physically

A) Guys we have a God mandated - RESPONSIBILITY TO  provide for the Physical needs of our Family – Bring home the Bacon


B) Paul in writing to Timothy, 1 Tim 5:8 said, “If a man does not provide for his own household,” he said, “that man has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 


C) Now that’s a serious charge.  But it shows how seriously God takes this role of husband, this particular task of the husband to provide

1) and bring security to the wife.  So that is our responsibility. 


D) Unfortunately I have seen too many husband – spend way too much time chasing one illusive deal after another – leaving family burdened

1) Or placing the financial burden of the family on his wife’s shoulder while he chases dreams – that is not right !!!!{ Men are to Provide

A 2nd way for a Husband to Nourish & Cherish his wife is emotionally

A) We live in a world that naturally makes women feel insecure – so much emphasis that is placed on appearance


B) Having the perfect body – Waif thing / being the perfect woman – { Extreme makeovers – Plastic surgery / botox

1) Result is there are always these fake people running around – women in their 50’s who look like their in their 30’s not real


C) I think the devil is behind a lot of this in our culture – get women so focused on themselves – fall prey to anorexia / Bulimia

1) Major Problems: According to the American Dietetic Association somewhere between 5 to 10 million women & girls suffer eating disorders


D) One of the Devils devices today to destroy lives – But Men we can help prevent that by affirming our wives & Daughters of their Beauty.

1) Help them have VICTORY in that area of  insecurity about appearances that is so prevalent in our Society { Look in the Mirror – Pal


Now before we go on guys I want you to notice something I find interesting.

A) Have you ever noticed that in the marriage relationship only the husband is instructed to love the wife? 


B) Now of course that doesn’t mean that wives are not to love their husbands. 

1) But it’s interesting to me that it’s only the husband in Scripture is instructed to love his wife.  Now why is that?  There are two reasons. 


C) Reason number one, following the Picture of Christ and the Church – If a husband is really seeking to love his wife in this way

1) The wife like the Church is naturally going to respond to that with love for her husband – so that is one reason



But secondly, I believe that husbands are instructed to love their wives because a wife’s number 1 need is to be loved. 

A) That’s the number one need of a wife—to be loved—and actually to know that she is loved, to sense that she is loved. 


B) There is a question that my wife asks me periodically – not too often – but I know that it is a common question – woman ask

1) Do you still love me – Now I know that when I hear that I have not been affirming my wife like I should


C) But that is a common insecurity of women – They read about affairs / husbands running off with younger women – Insecure –

1) Do you Still love me - 


D) Guys if we are going to nourish and Cherish our wives – If we are going to build them up & protect them emotionally

1) We need to constantly affirm our love & Commitment to our wives and  delight in their beauty – { Ever woman likes to hear ….. Beautiful



A) Now all of us have little things that are flaws – areas where we need to grow – Not a good house keeper / cook/ or not the best with the bills


B) Question Do you exploit those things in your wife or cover them? Are you always complaining about – House / Wise cracks cooking / Money


C) A Husband who Cherishes his wife is going to seek to cover those things

He is going to seek to be patient – because Love is patient


Unfortunately many husbands do the opposite – they get so agitated with these things they begin to abuse their wives

A) Starts with verbal abuse – always berating / yelling screaming / moves to emotional abuse – Manipulation – mind games / leads to Physical abuse

             $10 for every kind word / took $5 for every unkind – rich or poor

B) All forms are wrong / they are sin – exact opposite of loving / nourishing and Cherishing your wife

1) Any Husband who is involved in any form of abuse needs to understand that – Before she is your wife – she is God’s Daughter { Messing w/ His kid


C) Warnings in the word about that – Millstone – Drowned


And I would remind any Husband who is prone to abuse his wife in any way – what Paul said in 1 Cor 11:7 "The wife   is the glory of the husband ! A) Glory = REFLECTION


B) So if a husband takes a look at his wife & doesn’t like what he sees

( not talking outward beauty /  but the inner person: Paul says 

1)  Guess what ? She is a reflection of You !   She is just showing where your are at!!!


C) BEEN SAID      " Marriage is like a mirror it reflects what it sees !"

My wife is an ugly person – Listen she is a reflection of you !!!!!


D) Now wait – I know some of you are thinking I know some women who are fantastic spiritually Beautiful  - Bozo’s for husbands – how fit

1)  That woman has learned how to by pass her husband – and receive the love and nourishment she needs directly from the Lord


So that is another way that we can Build up and Protect our wives is by covering their flaws { Talk about many more – You Pray

A) I want to mention one more: Build up & Protect our wives Spiritually


B) Now there are several ways men that we can do this : 1st is by praying for our wives – Covering them in prayer each day.

1) Convicted at the couples retreat – don’t really pray for my wife enough


C) 2nd Go to Church …. / Never closer than worshipping together

1) 3rd  Spend time in the word with them:  Reading / Sharing Devotions / devotional books { Consistency is key { Adam left Eve un covered –fell

So Paul says we are to love our wives and take care of our wives like we do our own bodies – implied in that is a sensitivity that we need to have

A) We are sensitive to our bodies – hungry / thirsty / tired / sick


B) We need that same type of sensitivity toward them :Peter put it this way in  1 Peter 3:7 Dwell with them in understanding

1)  Lit. expression is to dwell together according to knowledge


C) That my friends is a lifelong project & challenge:


Knowing your wife includes knowing things about her that others don't

A) If I said Name 3 of your wives favorite things to do – could you do it?


B) Knowing her fears and cares; disappointments, expectations; thoughts; dreams; desires; likes; dislikes

1) Sensitive to moods; non-verbal communication - looks - body language: and areas of sensitivity!


C) How do I come to know these things about my wife / How can I be in tune to her in this way ? 2 things are involved

1) One is we must learn to communicate – Need to ask her – need to listen to her{ need to take note of those things


D) We must learn to talk w/ them and listen to them

1.) This is where some guys have real problems - I am just not that

     way - not a talker


Jesus didn't save you to keep you the way you are but to work in You

A)Jesus & His disciples – he communicated to them / tuned into their fears and frustrations


B) Learn to ask right questions    How can I help you?  Want to be in tune with you!   - [Denise told me she needs me to be her ALARM CLOCK]

1) I am so attracted to Jesus in her – I take that commitment seriously – she is right with the Lord – Very attractive – she is right w/ Me

So 1st earn to communicate - 2nd Need to be sensitive to the HS –

A) He will let you know if you are listening – { Call in the middle of the day

    Help with a chore -/ take out to dinner – Buy Roses


B.) Need the Power of the HS working in us – to help us meet the needs of our wife


Our Lord’s first miracle – where ? Wedding – why Marriages are often where miracles need to happen the most

A) Miracle at that wedding – water into wine – wine = Joy


B)     We have a picture of this in Jn. 2 wedding in Cana - 1st miracle

          why? / Where miracles need to happen the most is in  marriages

          1)      Stamp of approval on marriage ! Help Young Couple


C)Jesus took the empty pots had them filled w/ water - when          poured out it was turned to wine!  Wine is associated in scripture w/ Joy!

          1)The miracle is a picture of what the Lord wants too do in our




Maybe you say  " The wine of Joy has left our marriage !"  Guys what  are you to do?

A)     Have your vessel / your pot / ( Earthen vessels)  filled  by the

          Lord w/ the water of the Word!