Ephesians 5: 31-33

Building A Solid Marriage Part 5 – Unbreakable Love


C)     In fact statistics tell us that the American family is in trouble !

Breakdown of the family is a leading cause in the break-down of a nation

Feb. 1995 Time Mag. report  Cover " For better .....     Worse "

A) Reported  2.3 million couples went to the altar same yr. 1.2 mill.

      ended in divorce !

          1)      Divorce rate is at 1 out of 2 or 50% /  close to that in the "church!" 


The United States leads the world in the proportion of marriages ending in divorce.  In 1991 there were 21 divorces for every 1,000 married women in the population.  By contrast, in the United Kingdom there were only 13.  Japan had only six per 1,000 married women, and Italy just two.

    --American Enterprise, May/Jun 1996 (page 21)


Among Americans in the 18-24 age bracket, 22% consider the lack of family structure and guidance to be the nation's biggest problem.


, according to a study by the American Journal of Public Health Children of divorced parents don't live as long.  When parents divorce before their children reach age 21, the risk of premature death for those children is increased by 44%.      --Perspective, Sep 28, 1995



Divorce rate is almost as high within the church today

The Christian family is under attack - mike Mac. - Stewardis in his Church -

Fasting for the Break up of Christian marriages


Satan’s strategy now & in the very Beginning



Here in v.31 Paul quotes from Gen. 2:24 -TURN

24  Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

25  And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.


C)  In using this verse from Gen. Paul reveals 4 distinctives for having an 

     unbreakable love & building harmony in marriage!

          1) Break this down tonight


1st Severance  " for this cause a man shall leave his  .....

A)There must be a leaving : to leave father & mother is to break the     

       parent child bond!    


A) As kids we are totally dependent upon our Parents – needs to be a breaking away –

1)   We develop our outlook on life – from our Parents – Often times the marital views are established watching our parents


B) For instance in one home – the Mom – cooks the meal and after it is over she cleans up the mess / Men watch the game  ( Just what mom does )

1)   Guess what – that gal – who gets married – be a lot like that – and that young man – will be the same


Quote : Ortiz Pg. 74 –


Now leaving Doesn’t mean you ignore your parents or the ideals & values and Traditions – established in your family

A)But it does mean establishing your own traditions – might be similar – own priorities


B) Instead of – clinging to a PATTERN – established in your family upbringing You seek the Lord – Establish new ones for You & your Bride



c) What is His Plan for you?/ Parenting / Traditions  What is great about this is it causes you to be dependent on the Lord!  / not others


D)     It causes you to be seeking the Lord & not be relying on past

          traditions / methods    ( Parents wisdom)

          1)      There needs to be a severance/ not in relationships but

                   in the area of dependence & in the emotional bond!


1 Peter 3: 7


7  Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

1st:  LIVE W/ YOUR WIFE - Hey I do - come home every night; live at same address: eat same table - sleep same bed!

A.) Not all Peter is suggesting.  The word dwell  speaks of being completely

     at home!


B.)    Word that speaks of a close comfortable relationship!

1.) Some relationships are always on egg shells - tension do nothing



C.)    This speaks of a close companionship and deep down togetherness        A partnership together



2nd thing Peter lays out is we are to know our wives - "Live w/ them in understanding /

A.) Lifelong project! - challenge: Lit. expression is to dwell together

      according to knowledge


B.)Knowing your wife includes knowing things about her that others don't

1.) fears and cares; disappointments, expectations; thoughts;           dreams; desires; likes; dislikes



The 3rd thing Peter exhorts is for husbands to honor their wives: grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace life!

A.)    Grant = assign: husbands assigning wife a place of honor!


B.)Our kids - driving in car wanting to sit in front seat - tell them - mom's  place!


C) That is what Peter is saying in essence is giver her place of honor - at

      your side - one w/ you - not just in car but life!


C.)Wives shouldn't have to compete w/ kids - they should know          she has

       that place of honor!


D.)To give her that place of honor is to value her above all else  

      (aside from the Lord)

          1.)     Guys we need to let them know it too!



A.)Guys we need to treasure our wives!  Jesus taught - "Where your treasure  

       is there your heart will be also"


B.)    Aside from Jesus - wife is to be our treasure - pour into her -    heart

           will follow!

          1.)     Lawyer on divorce!



C.) Truth in that story: If your treasure is your wife your heart won't drift from her - treasure


D) But Treasure is something else - potential is there!


2nd distinctive Permanence Cleave to His wife -

A)     Word cleave = to clue together / it speaks of a binding

          that cannot be broken !


B) It refers to the Closets & most inseparable of bonds, like the layers of wood that make up a sheet of Plywood

1)   Which are joined together to provide greater Strength


C)Now if you tried to separate those layers of the Plywood you would only Destroy it !!


A relationship that is marked by a Commitment – David Livingstone



The Phrase joined together – means to fasten to one Yoke or to Yoke together

A)The Picture is of Two OXEN –which have been yoked together to pull a plow – they are no longer two but one yoke of Oxen !!


B)To separate them would be to Sabotage all that their owner has planned for them


C)So to when a man & woman are married they have become yoked together –They are no longer Two / but one

1)   To separate them is to Sabotage the greater Purpose of God who has brought them together


C) Another thing that this picture illustrates is that if one of the Oxen tries to do that which is going to harm the other –

1)    He cannot do so w/ out hurting Himself





SO Paul describes a contrast  Leaving & cleaving / loosen & secure/ A Departure  from parents & attaching to your wife

A)  Permanence / binding


“Marriage should be like going into a room ,locking the door

                   behind you & throwing away the key!”


B) But Too many enter into marriage w/ an idea that maybe it might

     not workout


During the Ht. of WWII in late 1930's bombs had devastated blocks in England . Buildings crumbled, Bridges fell,

A)But the country was held together by W. Churchill ( a pudgy cigar smoking /unimpressive looking  man ) 


B) AS England was being bombarded by the Nazi's Churchill refused to budge His Philosophy ?  Wars are not won by evacuations !


C) Sound words because  / giving up is not an option if you want to win a war or succeed in marriage!


D)The enemy would love nothing more than to see - your marriage end - his original attack in the garden involved the family

1)  Been attacking the family ever since  !


So Cleave - speaks of a bond that cannot break - That is how we are to approach marriage.

A)Divorce is to not be a part of our VOCABULARY IN marriage -

   ( What are you cleaving to? – Work Hobbies / Friends – Family






3rd Distinctive is Unity They shall become one flesh.

A) In Mark Ch. 10 Jesus gave us some further insight into this Unity

6  "But from the beginning of the creation, God 'made them male and female.'

7  'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,8  'and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.   9  "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."


B) Now Jesus expands the Picture by mentioning  a couple of things that Paul & Moses don’t- 


C) "From the beginning of creation, 'God made them male and female.'" He made them to be distinct and different sexes

1) And This was no afterthought.


D) The whole creative process, beginning with the very first day of creation, was aimed at that one great fact.

1)  God intended to have a race of humans that was divided into two

             recognizable sexes -- male and female.


E) Biologically and psychologically different one from the other.

       But through which He desired to make them one.



A godly marriage is a remarkable thing because God takes two people who are totally diff. & brings a oneness.


A)There is a transformation that is taking place / so that these two who are so different are being made like each other

          1) Although the ultimate goal is to make us more like Christ


Marriage is the Bringing together of two people w/ diff. goals

& purposes, personalities , & Insights Joined as one!


PETER MARSHALL It is the fusion of 2 hearts the union of 2 lives ,


Now spiritually speaking - in Gods eyes this oneness is instantaneous - The two become one!

A) but practically it is a life long process  of the father molding &

          shaping a man & wife into one .


B) In good marriages it really starts to Shine / think alike/  talk alike

      act alike , some cases look alike /  Brother & Sister

          1)      The unity He is describing is a process of Him working in 2

                   lives that are submitted / yielded to Him!


C)     And taking those 2 lives from diff. backgrounds , families ,

          diff. personalities , temperaments ,scars, feelings,

          1)          Educational backgrounds , gifts ,  & talents!


D)     And blending their lives together under His direction - His

          leadership to enhance & complete each other!



4th Distinctive we see Intimacy " The 2 were  NAKED &

not ashamed!

A) The intimacy described here speaks of a mutual love & respect      &

      commitment to each other .  Results in security & intimacy!


B)     It is no accident that intimacy is at the end of this description

          because in order to achieve it

          1)      severance , permanence, & unity need to be in operation

          essential if a mutual love respect & caring are to be developed!


C)     Also note when intimacy was lost / When sin entered into the

          garden / into their lives

          1)      covered up naked ashamed !  Hid themselves !


D)     Sin destroys Intimacy & you can cover up you can try & hide it

          but it is seen your spouse can tell / noticeable in conduct

          1)      Know this: Your sin will find you out !  ( Story of couple)


Now we are Told in the book of Mal. concerning  Divorce - God hates it !  HEAVY - SHOULDN’T MAKE LIGHT OF IT

A)The fact that God hates it – Jesus identified the Cause of it as being a hardness of heart


What is "hardness of heart?"

A) Well, it really means a stubborn willfulness, a refusal to listen to what God has to say and a determination to do it your own way.


B) That is a hardened heart. A soft heart is one that is open to instruction, one that is willing to listen to what God is saying

1)  and seeks thru the Power of the H.S. to  obey it and to walk in it  

     expecting God to help fulfill what he has asked.


C) That is a  softened heart. A hardened heart is exactly the opposite.

1) It is one partner or the other, or both, determining that he or she is

              not going to pay any attention to what God has said.


D) They want their own way; they want it the way they have chosen, and

     they want it now. That is a hardened heart.

          1) Couple at – Jack in the box



We need to guard our hearts from ever coming to that place of allowing our hearts to drift from each or from the Lord & become hard

A)How many times do we – make issue over Non essential things !!!